Stopping treatment prematurely

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2004
Stopping treatment prematurely
2
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 9:11am
I have the biggest problem with medication. In the past I was on Effexor and Remeron, and it was really helping. But when it starts to help, I stop taking it. I don't know why but I don't want to be on medication. I guess I just don't want to think of being on medication for the rest of my life.

It's really the same with counseling. I will go for awhile and it seems to be helping, and I will tell myself that I am all better, and I stop going. I really do try so very hard to believe that I am "cured" of depression and don't need anymore treatment.

I just got my health insurance back as of today. I want to get treatment now and get better for real. But I am afraid the same thing will happen as has always happened in the past.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 2:44pm

I can totally relate. I have been doing the same thing for 15 years.

Christine

CL

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 4:00pm
Thank you so much for your response. I come from a family that says things like, "Therapy? I thought you knew better than that. People are perfectly normal when they go into therapy, and they come out of it crazy and weird." Which is arguably better than being pseudo-supportive: "How are you feeling? Still taking the anti-depressants? (Sigh) I wish you didn't have to be on those things." Of course there is the classic, "You have nothing to be depressed about!"

I really don't know how to come to terms with myself as a person who is sick, who actually needs help, who can't just "snap out of it". I often feel that if I try really hard, pray or meditate or take an herbal remedy or eat a good diet, or whatever, that I will one day be able to just be a normal person without medication.

I don't understand what makes me hate the idea of being on an antidepressant. When I was on them I felt amazing- like I knew who I was instead of having a dichotomy of feeling on everything- I could make decisions, I could remember things, I could concentrate. I didn't get sad for absolutely no reason. I wasn't afraid to use the phone or talk to people. I felt so good and normal and whole and of course attributed that to having "gotten over it" rather than to being on medication!