It's getting bad again and I need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
It's getting bad again and I need help
3
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 11:01am
Hello all. I've struggled all my life with depression and until recently thought I had it pretty much under control. I'm not medicated (too expensive; I don't have insurance)and I can't afford therapy either right now, plus my therapist recently retired anyway. I've really been doing pretty well over the past 9 months or so, no major episodes. However, now I'm having problems again. My grandfather is very very ill and will probably pass soon, and since I'm the closest relative to him that's willing to help, I'm having to drive an hour each way a few times a week to check on him. I don't mind doing this, but it's a terrible strain. Plus, I'm having an extremely hard time regarding my ex-boyfriend. We broke up almost 2 years ago, and one of his main reasons for ending things was my depression (which was much much worse then than it is now). We started talking again this summer and I had hopes that we could work things out, but a few months ago he stopped talking to me and I don't know why. And now, I feel lost and alone. I don't have very many close friends that live locally, and the ones that I do have are probably tired of listening to my problems. I feel worthless and unworthy of anyone's love. I feel like I'm going to always be alone and that maybe that would be for the best. I thought I was doing so well; I've got a much better job that I had a year ago, I'm getting ready to buy a house, I'm taking better care of myself, and then this just hits me out of no where. Part of me just wants to scream "nothing matters anymore". I need help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 1:26pm
(((((HUGS)))))

We are here for you. Anytime you need to talk we are here. I understand how it can sneak up on you out of nowhere. IMHO you need to try to focus on the good things in your life to help you thru this. I know its hard. I also know it's hard to watch someone you can for get sick and die. My Grandmother died almost 2 years and my mom forced me to go to her bedside that day. I really didnt want to go but Im glad she knew we were there and that we loved her. I hope things start getting better for you. Let me know if you need anything

Roxanne

lexapro 10mg
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 4:19pm
Oh, aggie!!!

I am so sorry that things are so icky for you right now. I think it is so wonderful that you have been taking better care of yourself lately and hope you remember to give yourself credit for that. I know relationships can be an awefully stressful complication in life, and I feel bad that someone you care about is so unwilling to stick with you through your struggle. I know it sounds callous, but maybe it is just time to give up on him. I am the kind of person who won't allow themselves to get hurt or rejected by the same person twice. It isn't for everyone, but it works for me.

As for feeling alone, I know how easy it is to feel that way. The only thing I have found to help is just what you have done; come to the support board and cry on someone elses shoulder. It never fails to make me feel better to come hear and know that other people feel the same at times and truly understand my feelings.

I hope it has helped a little to unload here. Keep your chin up!!

Sara

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 4:21pm
Hey there. Im glad u came here b/c it can be a good support system when u feel lost. I have different problems but Im similar to you in that life is generally going pretty good in a few aspects right now, but of course there are a couple things that are extremely difficult for me. Im feeling lonliness looming too. I feel sad & depressed. Over the yrs Ive learned to control it, so I can talk to ppl usually & be ok. I can even laugh a lot most days. I feel depressed deep down inside though. I hate feeling lonely. Lonliness & being alone are totally different things. Sometimes I love being alone, but I never like feeling lonely. Anyways Im just sending out a note of support. I hope things will go better for you. Im also thinking of your grandfather too, I think it is very kind of you to do something wonderful for someone u love. U are a really good person. Please keep up the good work that u are doing for yourself. I dont have any great advice today but only a big HUG :) Take care