In need of hugs and hope

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
In need of hugs and hope
2
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 9:59am
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety almost a year ago. I have been on meds for the last ten months, and up until the last couple of weeks, I would have said they were helping a lot. Right now, however, I feel the way I did right before my last breakdown. I know that a large portion of what is going on emotionally is that my life is very stressfull right now. I am looking at a career change due to the outrageous cost of child care, my SD's are evil, our house has been broken into and vandalized, we may have to move, my car broke down and there is no $$$ to fix it, our health care costs have doubled (the ins. sucks), etc, etc. Really, I could go on for pages.

I know that what I really need is to get back to therapy, but obviously with no money, that is tough. I have tried to get help through the county, and they are less than helpful. I am proud of how well I am doing when I think of everything that I am dealing with and not ending up in the hospital, but I am afraid of how down I am feeling. I know that it will be very easy for me to just give up. I have been fighting thoughts of self harm, and though I know it is good that I haven't given in, I worry what will happen if things don't improve soon. My DH tries to be supportive, but he doesn't understand my depression or anxiety. He also is torn because his children are the cause of most of my stress. He feels an obligation to them (even though they are cruel to him, steal from us, are violent, abusive, on drugs, etc) and doesn't want to give up on them. However, I feel like if I don't remove their chaos from my life I will lose my mind. So that is just one more complication to deal with. I love the man, but are his kids worth my sanity?

I guess all I want is a little support from anyone out there. I feel very alone right now with my struggle and am hoping someone will just give me a little "rah, rah" to let me know that this, too, shall pass.

thanx for your time

sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 10:49am
Hugs, Sara, I hope you are doing better now that you got a little of it off your chest. Sometimes, the chaos of life does get us down when we have worked so hard to build ourselves back up again. This happens to me all the time, but for the grace and sanity of myself I force myself to do something even if I don't want to. It helps that I have a wonderful supporting cast in my friends and my bf, but not all people have that luxury. So, whenever I feel like I am dragging my friends/bf down with my bad moods, I come here and chat with the wonderful people ono this board. Together, we are a formidable force against depression and we try and seek solutions to fighting it. I have numerous battles with my parents because they think life is still like it was in the 50's. Life has gotten so much harder and more terrifying because of societal changes for the worse. We try not to focus on them, but they DO affect the decisions we make and the way we live our lives. I hope I'm not rambling, it kinda sounds like I am. :-)

Anyway, just know that there are so many people here that sympathize with what you are feeling. We are here to talk or just listen whenever you need it. Take care and hang in there!

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 5:02pm
thanks for the reply!

It does help to talk here. I like the fact that everyone here can relate in someway to what I am going through. It is so nice to say how I feel and not have to defend it. I don't feel like I can't do that anywhere else.

I also really try to be totally honest here, and that helps me to keep perspective on things.

thank you so much for replying, that is part of the benefit for me, knowing that someone out in the world hears me.

so thanx!