Will I get over this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2004
Will I get over this?
5
Sat, 11-06-2004 - 6:27pm
I lost my father eight months ago and it seems I just can't get past it. I'm 48 years old. When I was 21 my mother died and I lost a brother 12 years ago. For some reason, losing my daddy was the hardest of all. I miss him so. There are so many days when I reach for the phone to call him only to remember he's no longer there. I live in Texas but my home is in Louisiana. I have had no desire to go home since my father passed although my dh's family is there and my brother is still there along with so many other family memebers. The holidays are coming and everyone has been calling asking what day to expect us. It's just not the same going back and not seeing my dad.

After my father services, when my brother, sister and I were sorting daddy's things, I asked for several of his personal things. Amoung them were two shirt style jackets my daddy really liked. When I returned here, I stored them in my closet but would often get one down just to smell it. My dad's scent was still in it. Today I took it down but when I brought it to my nose nothing was there; the scent is gone. This sadden me so; as long as I could still smell him it was as though I still had a small part of him but now that too is gone.

I feel like such a wimp when I speak to my sister and I start to cry; she never cries and never knows what to say to me. I can express my feeling to my brother but then I bring him down. DH has been great but he has no idea how I am feeling; he has both his parents and is an only child so he can not relate to me.

As I am typing this the words are blurred because of my tears. He was such a wonderful person and everyone loved him. He was ill for some time and it was hard for him to get around his own home. Breathing was hard for him and he was using more and more oxygen. People are always telling me he is in a better place and I know that is true. I know it because my mind tells me so. My heart however misses him and would like him here with me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 6:35am
Hi, may I suggest seeing a therapist to help you with your grieving? Everyone is different how long it takes to go through the process, and some people never get over it, but if you see a good therapist, he/she can help you get through it and put it all in perspective somehow.

My dad died 7/93, but now that I am in therapy, I have realized him being an alcoholic left me with more scars than happy times to remember, so it is a lot different for me. But I know someone who really loved their Dad and now 2 years later, it is still very hard for her to get over it.

I hope you find some peace about all of it, and that there is some happiness for you during the holidays. take care, hugs, Josie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 11:06pm

Hi and welcome


Josie had all the right things to say as far as I am concerned.

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 11:28pm
I so understand what you are feeling, my Dad passed away 11 years ago and my life has never been the same. I was like you I couldn't talk for crying and everywhere I went I saw my Dad there. Time is what will help you, it softens the jagged edges of the lost and then you can think of the good times without so much of the pain. You have to be strong as you can and the one thing that helped me the most is something my DH said to me several months after Dad passed and that was that my Dad would be very unhappy to see me so upset and that he would want me to get on with my life and make the most of it and be the parent to my children that my Dad was to me, that was big shoes to fill but I am trying.

bamagirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 1:49pm

Just a thought, but perhaps, you could try to remember which aftershave he used, and or the soap.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2004
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 10:40pm
Thank you, and everyone, for the kind words. It's funny because someone told me the same thing after my Dad passed. I am trying to be strong for my daughters and the rest of my family.

I remember a conversation I had with my Dad years ago after the death of a neighbor. I said...it's always the really good people who goes first. His reply was...

"If you came upon an apple tree and there were rotten apples on the ground and nice red apples in the branches, which one would you choose?"

"An apple from the tree, of couse", I said.

"Then why would you think God wouldn't want the good ones too?"

God picked one of the best apples when he picked my Dad.