**Triggers, maybe** Please Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
**Triggers, maybe** Please Help!
1
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 2:13pm
I am at home by myself right now and some negative thoughts have been running through my mind lately. Honestly, sometimes I say I am sick when I want attention and I don't like doing that and I don't know how to stop. (I know that sounds immature) My husband and his family has excepted me and taken me in as one of their own and I am thankful for that. But I feel so depressed. The holidays are coming around and what used to be a family tradition (on my side anyways) isn't even going to happen this year because of my mother. She doesn't want me around at all. I feel so lost right now and I shouldn't. Or should I? At times, I just want to take a sharp blade, dig it deep within my skin, and watch the blood flow down my arm. I know that sounds crazy, ( I stopped cutting after my husband came into my life). When I used to do that, I felt so much better. It was like all the pain and emotions were just draining from my body. Now I am having to restrain myself from doing something so insane. I don't want to tell anyone because I am so ashamed. I've got a baby on the way and a loving husband! Why am I feeling this way? Why can't I make it stop? Is it because I feel rejected from MY whole side of the family and I can't do nothing about it? I am so scared and I feel like I am just another "nutcase" running around in this cruel world. I need help. But I just can't talk to anyone besides the individuals on this message board. My mother-in-law is so understanding but I don't think I can let her get so deep into my emotions without the fear of getting looked at weird, getting laughed at, or even getting hurt again. (In other words, another repeat of my mother.) I know not everyone is like her but I still shut down to anyone when it comes to something like this. I am sorry for rambling and skipping around but I've got a lot on my mind. I know that I should look at everything that's in front of me (My new family) and be happy with that, but for some odd reason, it's just not that easy for me. I am desperate here and I could really use someone else's input. Please help me!

Things can only go down so Far until they have to come back up.....

*Fighting for a Reason..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 2:39pm

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Sweetie))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


I am sorry that things are getting so out of control.