ups and downs (tirggers)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
ups and downs (tirggers)
2
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 6:29pm

Hi everyone. Haven't been around lately - too depressed! (I know, not a good excuse around here!)


Depression really kicking my butt last week. Not getting my paperwork done at my job - starting to get noticed. Then had an emotional weekend - anniversary of my late life-partner and myself. We had been together almost 8 years when she committed suicide almost 5 years ago. So I wasn't surprised at my emotional response to everything. What I'm really not happy about is the fact that for the 3rd time in a month I started hitting the steering wheel of the car in a fit of rage on Saturday. First just started out as a release of the anger, but then as before became an intent to hurt myself. I have done this in the past but always alcohol related. This year/past month not alcohol-related because I don't drink anymore (except for a very brief relapse 85 days ago).


Today I woke up and had energy to burn - problem was that I couldn't channel it into anything productive (recently started cycling into hypomania - before I was always just depressed - amy have Bipolar II), and was really angry with myself as usual, and had thoghts of banging up my hand again (it's still bruised and swollen from Saturday) but I didn't. I called my sponsor instead. But I'm concerned about these self-destructive thoughts. I don't have any suicidal thoughts or any strong desire to drink, but I'm very frustrated.


SO, when I can't concentrate on other things, I remembered that I would come to this board, so here I am, back and hopefully will be checking in more regularly, because I have missed you all.

peace and love,


just_a_big_kid


Sue

peace and love,

just_a_big_kid

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 11-08-2004 - 6:52pm

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Sue)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


If you are going to start beating on things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 5:01am
Glad to see you back Sue, I was starting to worry about you. This whole journey for me is one step forward, sometimes 2 steps back, then back, then hopefully forward a little. I know for me, I am getting my lard butt to Alanon tonight, and tomorrow at lunchtime, and so glad my therapist is finally back in town, I haven't seen her for a month and I need to vent a LOT of things with her tomorrow.

I have done the hitting pillows, wastebaskets work too, except, I bruised my wrists, and once when I didn't pound the wastebasket, I kicked them around the room, I did those both with my therapist, she even stood up and kicked it herself, she was enjoying it too I think.

take care, we are always here for you, hugs, Josie.