Beyond depressed

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Beyond depressed
1
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 7:57pm
I am 32, have had bouts of depression before but this one is by far the worst and longest.....a year but now feel totally hopeless...like nothing will ever get better. Am now losing job this month after 5 years with company. Bad time of year for this....Am also fighting an eating disorder...something I've never had. Dr. put me on Effexor and I feel as if it's making me gain weight which isn't good b/c I am trying to fight an eating disorder.

My therapy session tonight was bad....first one with new therapist. How do you know if they are good? I told her the events of the past 7 years (many, many bad ones) and she said, my gosh....you must feel like you've been hit by a truck from all you've been through. I said, "yes, I do and I feel like I look that way lately" and she said, "I can tell". Sigh.

Then I am VERY sensitive to weight b/c I have an E.D. and she said, "What are you....5'8 and 135-140 pounds". That sounds VERY high to me!!!! But I don't weigh myself....but it was upsetting to hear. Seemed unprofessional for a therapist to guess weight.

I am at such a loss...if anyone can help. I've had PTSD and now can't kick this depression all year. A really bad break up in the winter time was the final straw. Everything is affected by this.....losing my job now, my social life is ruined and even my looks.....I used to model and now can't even believe I looked like that. I look and feel like a completely different person. Please....if anyone can help me, I would really appreciate it. Nothing is getting better and I am sinking deeper into the depression and even have thought about suicide the past week. Thank you...

-Alexa

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 10:08pm

Hi Alexa, I have PTSD too and can relate to how much it changes your life. It's funny I crashed on Friday it must be the week for it. I am on Social Security Disability because of it right now. I also thought about suicide this weekend actually I was supposed to go to the state hospital but dh wanted me to stay here. Your therapist may have meant well. To be honest if you are 5'8" then 135 would be slender. I have been taking Effexor XR and I have managed to lose 10 pounds with WW in the last six weeks so it doesn't have to cause weight gain.


In my experience with my PTSD I go through cycles and do have better periods. If you are losing your job due to the PTSD you may qualify for disability from your state or Social Security. I don't know what your PTSD is from but in my case it is chronic which means it will always be with me. I am learning to cope with the symptoms better now and am more functional then in quite a while but it does sneak back. I am really sorry you are having such a rough time of it.


Your therapist may not have realised how what she said sounded. I would politely tell her that she hurt your feelings a bit.


I really hope things get better for you soon. Hugs

Maureen/Mo


If this was a real life it would have come with instructions.

Maureen/Mo

If this was a real life it would have come with instructions.