I'm new and confused
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I'm new and confused
| Fri, 11-12-2004 - 12:57pm |
Hi, I'm new and just thought that maybe I would try this out, talk to others that might be able to help me. I'm sorry if this ends up being really long. I'm 24, will be 25 in feb. I don't really even know where to start. I am constantly seeking new friends or love. I feel as if nobody really cares about me. I know that my mom and dad do, cuz they have to, but I would just love to have someone actually care about me. I find myself always thinking..."If I'd die today, no one would even notice or care" My friends seem to only want to be with me if I can either provide them with some fun, or something, or if they need someone to talk to, but when i need someone to talk to, for the most part, there's no one that wants to hear it, as if I'm annoying or something. I don't look forward to anything in life anymore because everytime I look forward to anything, I end up disappointed. I have one friend that I can consider a real friend for the most part, but I'm always jealous of her. Everyone loves her, everyone wants to hang with her...when I go out, people ask me where she is cuz we're usually together. She has guys liking her all the time. I find myself expecting the opposite of what I want in situations because then I think maybe I'll actually get what I want. Reverse psychology on myself. I feel as if I'm a great person, always caring about others almost to a fault. I'm always trying to be there for everyone. I follow the whole do unto oothers how you want them to treat you. But I never get that favor in return. the guys that like me are always the one's that I only look to for friendship and can't think of them as anything else, and the guys I do like as more than a friend I am teased with their affections and attention, only to have it gone as soon as it started for some reason or another. I feel worthless. Like I have no purpose in this life. I try to not care so much about things, try to not hang out with the friends that I think aren't really my friends, but then I have nobody. I care way too much about things I say, things I do...wanting others to like me, since in my mind it shouldn't be so hard. I act as if i don't care about things since those that seem not to care seem to get everything. I just don't know what to do anymore. I hate my life. I feel as if I'm cursed to have bad things happen to me all the time while I watch good things happen to people that don't even care about the good things. Can anyone help me??

I really think that you need to find friends that truly care for you and not just if it benefit them. Friends do for each other. I don’t have many friends myself because I work and kids, but I do try to find other things to do that make me happy. Find a fun hobby for yourself. Don’t drill on people that don’t care they are not worth your energy. Just know we are here to listen. Take Care
Well I don’t know what to tell you other then try to find another friend. I do relate with what you are saying I have the same problem and I think a lot of us do. I did not have family here in Alaska for 11yrs and really no true friends. My sister moved up here and (she is a little younger then me) I thought for sure I would not be alone and I would have someone to do stuff with. Well the only time my sister even calls me if she has no one else to hang out with or if she needs me to help her with something.
My other friend well she is always doing things with all her other friends and so ya most of the time I'm alone but I do have my children which is a blessing. I feel lonely a lot and just want to stay in bed. This is what we call depression. I really think that you need to try and go do stuff. Do you work out? I would if I only had the time. I do think you should try and pick up some kind of hobby that you can do on your own which will be fun. This way you won’t depend on your friends as much. I'm here if you need to talk just know that ok.
Anytime
Bettina
Hi!
Wow I really understand what you are saying. I'm almost 30 next month and that is so depressing for me all on its own. I don’t know how to deal with that. I don’t go out like that either I need to have someone to go with and yes same here most of the people I know don’t want to go out so I'm stuck going to work and home. The weeks I have my children it is fine but when they are gone for a week it is so hard and I cry a lot because I want to live my life but I'm afraid to go out by my self.
I do not think that guys will think of you and not talk to you for the fact they will see you as an independent woman, but at the same time you would have to be afraid to meet the wrong person while you are by your self.
I'm a big FAN of the military and I sometimes just go there and LOOK and it is fun. I have met a lot of people but as you I'm picky and the once I gave my heart to just turned around and broke it.. I think for now I will concentrate on me and what I can do to make my self happy, but yes it would be nice to have that special someone. I think that if we don’t look it will find us but as you I wonder how I don’t go no where?
Well for what it is worth I'm here so just write when ever or sent an e-mail.
Take care, Bettina
Hi -
I was reading your posts and remembered my 20's and 30's (I'm 42 now). I experienced a lot of what you are going through now. I always felt like I was on the fringe of the crowd (or group of friends), many of my friends got hooked up with someone and tried to include me but i always felt like the 3rd wheel. I spent a lot of time in my head having wonderful fantasy lives because I hated being alone. I also couldn't figure out why the guys I was interested in always ended up being friends and nothing more. I now know that's because i was probably unconsciously or subconsciuosly sending out the "I'm not really available' message, and I didn't figure out until 29 that I was a lesbian, and then all of the sudden I met women I could relate to. That, of course, may have nothing to do with your situation, but I think it is important to think about what kinds of signal you may be sending out to others. Do you spend time in your head - I did a lot, which meant i wasn't fully present for others in my life.
The other thing is that I just had to get used to doing things alone - going to movies, even eating out a restuarants, and taking vacations - I usually picked "group activity" vacations like bicycling in Vermont, going on a windjammer in Maine, taking sailing lessons - and I always met interesting people and didn't feel lonely. Another suggestion if you don't have any hobbies is to consider volunteering for some organization that might interest you. One of my friends met her husband that way.
hang in there - I didn't find the love of my life untiil I was 39 - and comfortable being by
peace and love,
just_a_big_kid