Overwhelmed and need to 'talk'

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Overwhelmed and need to 'talk'
4
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 9:20pm
Hi, I'm sorry. I'm afraid this will be long and whiny. Forgive me . I just feel like I'm at the end of my rope again!

I'll try not to bore you with too many details.

I'm trying to stick it out til the end of the school year===but it just keeps getting harder and harder. I am so overwhelmed with lesson plans, papers to grade and the Christmas program will be here very soon and we are not ready!

My principal's husband died yesterday and I am playing at the funeral on Tuesday. That' going to be hard. Then this afternoon, the father of one of our 2nd graders died. He was just diagnosed with a brain tumor a couple of weeks ago.

My pdoc has agreed not to mention the ECT again as long as I don't get activily suicidal. That's the one good thing that has happened lately.

My therapist and pdoc have been talking a lot (they are in the same office) so they have decided I don't have to see both every week anymore. I am seeing my therpist 3 weeks in a row and then I see my doctor. If anything happens in the meantime that the doctor needs to know about ----my therapist will bring it to his attention. That is going to save me a lot of co-pays.

I just feel so on the edge all the time. I hate that!! This morning the fan on my car stopped working and after a while it was pretty cold ! I have a long drive to school and I started crying just from the frustration. It was stupid---the car is still under warrenty and it wasn't like I was freezing or anything. It was just the last straw!

I'm so tired of reminding myself why I'm not suppose to think about death.

At dinner tonight I tried to talk to my husband about how bad it was again. he jusr doesn't listen. I haven't even told him about the 'emergency' bloodwork my medical doctor had me do yesterday.

Sorry guys---I know this is long. Thanks for letting me vent tho. Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 9:30pm

(((((Deb))))), you go ahead and whine, cry, rant all you want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 9:36pm
((((Deb)))) How are your meds going? You taking them again?? They should certainly help with the suicidal stuff. I wish I had a way to fix your issues, but all I can do is send hugs to you.

I know from recent events that sudden death stuff is hard. It is never easy. You never know what is appropriate, what reactions are right?

I am trying to figure out what to do with my situation. Is this the lady that stresses you out that lost her husband? That can't make things easy, if she is.

Know we are here for you.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Take care,

Lisa

Co-CL Depression Support

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 10:27pm
Hi Lisa, Yes---this is the woman who manages to stress not only me---but most of the staff out! Her husband has been sick for well over a year and the past couple of months they knew it was just a matter of time. The cancer was everywhere. However--she was the way she is before her husband got sick.

Yes--I've been back on my meds for a while now. The suicidal thoughts are just always there. My therapist and I are working on it. My doctor is patiently trying new meds just as he has been for the past 10 years.

Life pretty well sucks doesn't it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Sat, 11-13-2004 - 3:10am
Dearest Debbie: please continue to "talk" anytime you need too, you have been so sweet to me over these few months.

Totally understandable deaths and attending funerals will get to you. I can remember my husband's aunt's funeral, and we weren't even close at all, but it was the first one after my Dad, and brought back way too many sad memories.

I just hope after Christmas if you could downsize some in all you do, I mean the teaching, then the private lessons afterwards. And your dh, I don't know all the particulars, but he needs a baseball bat cracked over his head so he can wake up and see if he doesn't give you love and attention and understanding, well, good thing I don't live in your town as I may use some of my repressed Irish temper and knock some sense into him. I would probably start "beating" on him as my inner self was releasing the anger I never got to express to my Dad. OH dear, I would probably end up in jail if I ever started that one.

Take care, and I hope you have some Debbie down time this weekend, love and hugs, Josie.