why do people want to hurt me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
why do people want to hurt me?
1
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 10:28pm
So tonight I sent one of my friends (well, the only friend I have in town) a text message that I needed someone to lean on tonight. So he calls me up and said to join him at a birthday party. Well first of all, I didn't feel like being THAT social. Second of all, it would have been a 50 minute drive to the party, in a not-so-good area.

I told him thanks but no thanks, and then he started ripping into me about how I don't even try and and how he isn't surprised my boyfriend dumped me and moved to colorado with some girl-that I should have known he was a jerk capable of that, etc etc. Saying over and over how he thought all along my boyfriend was an ass and gave up because I was being stupid and blind about it. He thinks he is helping me by saying this stuff. I started to get upset and started to cry, and he just kept it coming, telling me I was wasting my tears and to get over it already. He just doesn't understand how hurt I am, or my illness. I ended up hanging up on him. I feel bad about doing that but I didn't need to hear what he was saying. This is the second time this week he has done something like this to me, spouting off thinking he is helping but only saying hurtful things.

Why do people want to hurt me so badly? First my boyfriend, who I still haven't heard back from and is spending his first full day in Colorado without me and with that other woman instead, whatever their relationship may be. And now my only friend around here?

I can't stand being home alone tonight. I have been crying so loud my neighbors are probably thinking I am dying. But especialy after this, I don't want to be around people.

I am not strong right now, and his words stung. It seems like whenever I try to stand up I get kicked right back down.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sat, 11-13-2004 - 8:28am
I know the feeling that people don't care about you, or even try to hurt you. This friend of you sounds very hurtful. No one says those things and thinks he's being helpful. He doesn't have compassion for the pain that you are in. Men in general don't tend to have empathy. The way he talked to you is typical for how men talk to each other when they are in crisis. That's why they shut their feelings off so early: no one is sympathetic for their pain, so they repress it.

This guy may be your only friend in town, but he's made it clear that he's the kind of person to party with, but not to lean on. Most of my friends have been friends like that. It's the old "fair weather friend" thing.

I'm glad that you are crying and letting your feelings out. You are grieving, which is very important to do. It's the healthiest thing to do right now. Don't expect yourself to be somewhere other than where you are right now. You are grieving and grieving requires letting the pain out.

I don't know if you read my reply to your post about things getting much worse. I shared a bunch of things I did when something similar happened to me. I suggest that you not turn to this guy anymore, even if he's your only friend in town. I don't have any close friends myself, so I understand the difficulty and loneliness that you feel. Have you tried looking up other depression support sites? I've heard that there are some where there is 24 hour chat. You could turn to a place like that when you are in a bad place like you were last night. The people who have been supportive towards me are all online friends. I think it's hard to find people who can deal with another person's pain. It's not you. Unfortunately, that's how most people are, and how even more men are.

I'm sending prayers and hugs to you. Please hang in there. If you haven't read the other replies to you, including my post, please read those too.

We're here for you.

All My Best,

MariaC