sad and SAD!!
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| Sat, 11-13-2004 - 9:07pm |
I'm new to the board, and I'm just going to lay it on the line...long story short, I have had PAD and depression off and on since high school (I'm 27). I've done a really good job of keeping it in check the last 4 years.
But now, I'm a brand-new teacher, and apparently I'm doing less than a stellar job. My principal watched me during a pretty average day, and I got a pretty bad review.
Since then, I have woken up at 2 am wide awake and unable to get back to sleep (normally I am a SOLID sleeper). What do you guys do when you wake up and can't get back to sleep!!?!? I cry all the time for no reason, and if I'm not crying, I get panics and the shakes.
I went to see a Dr. who's given me Ambien to sleep and lexapro for the depression. I am depressed about being back on meds, and I get nervous and my heart races when I think about work...
Guys, normally I'm a happy-go-lucky gal who doesn't let things get to me. But this one bad review has totally ripped my self-esteem to shreds and it is messing with my head. I really know in my heart of hearts I can get through this, but it doesn't seem like it right now.
I want to laugh, to sleep, to relax. I'm tired and depressed. I'm not suicidal (thank God), but I have that wondering feeling if I will ever be happy again...
I do pray, and often. I'm asking God to take this stigma away from me and be happy. My friends and family keep telling to hang in there and everything will be OK. Like I said, I KNOW it will be OK, but it doesn't seem like it now.
ANYONE with a story about seeing the light at the end of the tunnel would be most appreciated. Please tell me it will get better with your encouragement. I need to hear from some people...
Bless you,
annie

Hi Annie, it can and probably will get better for you. I don't think
Maureen/Mo
If this was a real life it would have come with instructions.
I also work in a school setting and can say I am a success story. I crashed last year and through medication, therapy and hard work on my part, life is grand today. I still have bumps in the road, but they are only bumps and I react to them like a non depressive person. Things don't get better overnight, although good sleep is very important factor in getting better. Depression snuck up on me over a period of years, it took a long time for it to diminsih. Please, please be patient and be kind to yourself.
Mary
I have good days and bad. I have been unable to find meds that work for me. I have tried many.. 9 total. If you find one that works at all...embrace it. It will create some light in the darkness.
What age do you teach? I teach, and I find that kids and teaching in general help me.
I hope that you got some constructive critism from your review. It may help...teaching is hard. Good for you to take it on.
Welcome again.
Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa
Co-CL Depression Support
I teach high school, and not only am I a brand-new teacher, but I'm technically doing my practicum (I was hired on an emergency certificate). I feel so ill-prepared to teach most days. I teach half-time and work about 35-40 hours a week, but I feel like I should be working 60-70...I just don't know...I want to work, but it's hard to get working when you're depressed and all you want to do is lay on the couch and watch TV or sleep...am I a bad person for not giving 110%? I do work (lesson plans and grade papers), but I don't go in on the weekends and since this depression/anxiety thing, I just lay low...does that make me a horrible teacher?
Thanks for all your encouragement. I'll keep stopping by. Your kindness to a stranger is not unnoticed.
Hugs,
annie