A BAD DAY!
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A BAD DAY!
| Mon, 11-15-2004 - 9:45pm |
This probably seems like a very silly and selfish mesaage Tooday was a very bad day for me.I have been extremely depressed for the last several weeks and have even had suicidal thoughts and thoughts of hurting myself.There were days when I thought I could not go on. I did not call my counselor becasue I did not want to "bother" her.
I also had a physical today. My physician is 45 miles away from my house and my counselor ia about 15 miles away.. I do not drive so when I have appointments I ride with my husband when he goes to work and stay at my sister's house.
When I got to my sister's I called to make sure the time for the counseling appointment was right. I always have a fear that I am going to get the wrong time or day and the counselor will not be there. I was told that my appointment was at 6:30 tonight.
My physical was at 12:30. My doctor is great doctor and a very good listener. However, his Mother-in-law had called him to say she fell and was in the ER.They thought she may have a broken wrist.
While he was doing the physical two of his kids called.The one knew about his Grandmother and when his dughter called he told her what had happened. I was the last appointment of the day and I knew he needed to leave and go to the hospital.I had some medical concerns and questions to ask him, but did not because I knew he was in a hurry and was upset.
Afterwards I decided not to return to my sister's and went to a shopping center instead.As soon as I got there I realized I did not want to be ther eand got very anxious.I went into Wal-Mart,had an anxiety attack and had to leave.I had to wait 3 hours for my husband to come get me.I was able to go into a few little stores an bought a few litle things.I was supposed to meet my husband at 5PM outside Dairy Queen.
My husband and I had a miscommunication about the time he was supposed to meet me.I thought he was supposed to meet me at 5PM .He did not come to 5:30.I do not have a cell phone and I did not know where I could find a phone. I did not know where he was or if anything had happened to him. I had a terible anxiety attack ,was crying and felt like I could hardly breathe.
My husband finally came a little after 5:30 and we drove to the counselor's office; it was locked .She had a family emergency and had to go out of state. I did not get the mesage because I was not home. When we saw that the office was locked y husband was able to get the receptionost's meesage by calling our home answering service on his cell phone.
I have to call and make another appointment.I do not know when the counselor will return and do not know what the emergency was I know that when she does retur I will feel "guilty" telling her my problems when she has a family emergency. At the same time I feel angry(although I know the counselor could not help it) and I feel "guilty" about feeling angry.
I am not sure how long it will be before I see my counselor.Because I am so depressed I really need to talk with her.
My depression is so badright now and I am trying to hide it from my family and friends. I guess I am afraid right now. Sorrry for this long, selfish message.I just feel like I am a selfish person and that does not help the depression. Thanks for listening.careyfeel
I also had a physical today. My physician is 45 miles away from my house and my counselor ia about 15 miles away.. I do not drive so when I have appointments I ride with my husband when he goes to work and stay at my sister's house.
When I got to my sister's I called to make sure the time for the counseling appointment was right. I always have a fear that I am going to get the wrong time or day and the counselor will not be there. I was told that my appointment was at 6:30 tonight.
My physical was at 12:30. My doctor is great doctor and a very good listener. However, his Mother-in-law had called him to say she fell and was in the ER.They thought she may have a broken wrist.
While he was doing the physical two of his kids called.The one knew about his Grandmother and when his dughter called he told her what had happened. I was the last appointment of the day and I knew he needed to leave and go to the hospital.I had some medical concerns and questions to ask him, but did not because I knew he was in a hurry and was upset.
Afterwards I decided not to return to my sister's and went to a shopping center instead.As soon as I got there I realized I did not want to be ther eand got very anxious.I went into Wal-Mart,had an anxiety attack and had to leave.I had to wait 3 hours for my husband to come get me.I was able to go into a few little stores an bought a few litle things.I was supposed to meet my husband at 5PM outside Dairy Queen.
My husband and I had a miscommunication about the time he was supposed to meet me.I thought he was supposed to meet me at 5PM .He did not come to 5:30.I do not have a cell phone and I did not know where I could find a phone. I did not know where he was or if anything had happened to him. I had a terible anxiety attack ,was crying and felt like I could hardly breathe.
My husband finally came a little after 5:30 and we drove to the counselor's office; it was locked .She had a family emergency and had to go out of state. I did not get the mesage because I was not home. When we saw that the office was locked y husband was able to get the receptionost's meesage by calling our home answering service on his cell phone.
I have to call and make another appointment.I do not know when the counselor will return and do not know what the emergency was I know that when she does retur I will feel "guilty" telling her my problems when she has a family emergency. At the same time I feel angry(although I know the counselor could not help it) and I feel "guilty" about feeling angry.
I am not sure how long it will be before I see my counselor.Because I am so depressed I really need to talk with her.
My depression is so badright now and I am trying to hide it from my family and friends. I guess I am afraid right now. Sorrry for this long, selfish message.I just feel like I am a selfish person and that does not help the depression. Thanks for listening.careyfeel

Dear carefree: I don't think you are selfish, we all have emotions and feelings and for me sometimes "small potatoes" upsets me, and sometimes the world can be ending and I sail through it like a trooper, so that is part and partial of what things we have to deal with.
Therapists are trained to devote that time to you, not to be thinking of their family emergency or hopefully doing their grocery list in their head. Does yours ever talk to you on the phone in between sessions? Mine is so great about that, if I leave her a phone message about being upset on something, and she thinks it can't wait, she will call me from out of state and talk to me, so maybe yours can too.
I am sorry you had a rough day, I hope you slept well, and that today is better. Do something nurturing and fun for yourself today, treat yourself like a best friend as we should all do that one all the time, hugs, Josie.
Roxanne
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