should I/ how to tell friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2004
should I/ how to tell friends
4
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 12:58pm
Hi,

I was thinking about telling my friends about how I've been depressed and recently started taking anti-depressants and going to therapy. I want to do this because I know that I've been acting more distant and I don't want them to think that I don't care about them. I'm really worried about losing their friendship because of this depression, and they mean so much to me. Also, I don't want them to think that I'm not doing much right now because I'm lazy when I'm really just trying to get a handle on this depression. I'm not ashamed to tell them, and I think it's something that I should be upfront about because I don't like how there is such a stigma in our society, or at least among my age group (early 20's) about needing counseling. It's something that is really talked about. But, on the other hand, I don't want them to worry, and I REALLY don't want it to change our friendship or what they think of me. I've always been the cheerful, funny one, and since I haven't been that happy lately, I've been avoiding them because I don't know what to say to them. Also, most of my friends don't live near me any more and I don't know how to go about telling them over the phone. It's kind of a difficult conversation to have when you're not face to face with the person, especially when I'm not serious alot. And even though we're not close together geographically anymore, I still want to be close to them in our friendship. What do you guys think? Would you tell someone over the phone, and if so how would you go about it? Please respond; I need some help.

Thanks,

Cubsgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 2:09pm

Hi there.

Christine

CL

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 3:43pm

Hi Cubsgirl,

I think you have all the right reasons laid out to tell people what is going on in your life. And it is a hard and brave thing to talk about it. There definitely is a stigma attached. I am cyclothymic (a form of bi-polar) and my dad was a Bi-Polar II (he ended up committing suicide because he would not seek help ... to him, the stigma was worse than death, I guess)

BUT, you will know which of your friends, family, acquaintances to tell the whole truth and to whom you should just say... "I've been a little down lately, that's why I haven't been around, but I'm feeling better now" (in other words, not using terms like depression, medication, psychiatrist, etc...) To close friends, yes, tell them. You could use their support and understanding; and if they worry about you, oh well, maybe you need some of that until you are well.

Sorry if I'm rambling... You're question just hit home with me... Talking about depression and bi-polar and suicide is the only way for people to understand... and for others to realize that there is help out there... maybe someone you talk to has been going through the same thing...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Tue, 11-16-2004 - 4:29pm

Cubsgirl,

I think it's a brave thing to do, but also a very necessary one. I just today heard from one of my friends, whom I hadn't told, that I was inconsiderate, and I'd really hurt his feelings. I felt terrible, but it happens... we get depressed, disappear off the radar for a while, or do other things we can't explain to them.

If your friends truly care, they'll listen. You might want to think about what you want from them -do you want them to discuss it with you, or do you want them just to take you out and have coffee, or would you like to depend on them for more than all of this?

All in all, I think it will definitely be a good step, and one that may alienate people if they don't know how to deal with it, but will undoubtably strengthen other friendships you have.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 9:03pm
Thank you guys so much for your advice and support. I haven't told my friends yet, but I am going to. It's so nice though to have you guys here since you understand what its like.