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| Thu, 11-18-2004 - 12:22pm |
Hi all, I'm new here and need a little help. I don't really know how to give you my story, it's long, but I'll try. When I was in 2nd grade my mom took me and my brother out of public school to home school us. Only she didn't, our schooling consisted of watching tv and sleeping in...always, all the way through our supposed senior year. When we were little and needed it most we lost our only means to meet other kids. So, literally, I had NO friends until I was 19 years of age. I cried myself to sleep every night, miserable, so alone...my life felt like a cage, a horribly suffocating cage. The only friends I had when I was 19 weren't truly MY friends, I had a bf that I met online and they were his friends...mine by proxy. One though was a true friend to me, best friend really...we were so close. Well I got pregnant, married and left my daughters father (the guy I met online). We married when she was 9 mo. old, which on my wedding day I knew was a mistake...he didn't love me and didn't care about my DD. I left him before her 1st birthday. So of course then those people I did know wanted nothing to do with me, because they weren't really my friends. The one guy that was my friend was now in a bad relationship with a woman who took him away from everyone, so we lost touch. And again, I was alone...horribly alone trying desperately to seem happy for my little girl. But then one day, for some reason I went up to the bar to meet my ex and his friends for some drinks, because I was stood up and pissed off really. So I get there and who's there but the one friend that I lost touch with. So, from there him and I have spent every day together since then, we now live together and are engaged. So for this I am eternally greatful and so happy...but this is where I'm having a huge problem...I'm still SO lonely. Everyday I spend in our apartment, alone, because I don't have any friends...my cousins (that didn't like me anyway) wrote me off when I got pregnant...I have no one but my DD and fiance'. I don't work because we both want me to be a SAHM until she's off to school, so I'm here, all day, every day...I've been alone for 24 years now, litterally...and I just can't take it anymore, I dont know what to do. I'm so depressed, alone, I'm so sad, I find myself going to stores to buy something I don't need just so I can see another human being. I've tried like playgroups for my daughter (she's only 3) but there aren't any kids her age, and the moms (not to sound horrible I hope) are a little above our income range, and around here, that does make a difference in how people are treated. I just don't know what to do, I really can't take anymore years alone, I just...I just don't want to spend my life alone anymore.

HI, glad you have a fiancee and a dd in your life.
Not knowing your interests or hobbies hard to tell. But if you like to draw, take a class in that and meet people. Join a reading group, do you go to church, they are always looking for volunteers. Volunteer at a local hospital or nursing home. Join a gym or take some exercise classes to meet people.
My big way I have made new friends is to join Alanon, but unless you have an alcoholic friend or relative, that wouldn't be the place for you.
I hope you can think of something to join and helping others may brighten your mood. take care, hugs, Josie.