my birthday-death wish
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| Fri, 11-19-2004 - 1:01am |
Hello Everyone!
I have no friends, no boyfriend, have to live up to an abusive father, uncaring sister, no money on hand,no relatives who cares,counsellor who don't care and now have resigned.(only my mother cares about me)
I am sad. My birthday is coming. And I want to end it all.
1st december. I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT FOR A LONG TIME. Things have always been the same. I hope things change for the better for us, the whole family.
I hope to have friends, friends who care for me, not just made use of me...and forget about me.
I am sad.
I have called the hotline and the people in the church from this estate stopped being our friends.
I don't know what to do. I just want to live happily.
I have missed appointment with a psychiatrist for four times...and I don't have the means to go and consult a doctor. I am just sad.
Ten days...what should I do then?

((((Katheryn))))
A year ago I attempted suicide, obviously unsuccessfully, but havent tried it again since either. So many times I have thought about it though. After it happened, I was sad I woke up, wished I hadnt, and now, well I still think about it sometimes. At times I feel so selfish, knowing others lives are so much worse than mine, but it doesnt take the sadness out of my heart either. The only thing is is that God wasnt ready for me to die, although I was. But if you dont give yourself a chance to find out if it can get better, you will never know it can, and what will you miss. So many days I think why do I live through each day? I look at my children and still its not enough, I feel I do more harm than good, but how will I know if I dont take the chance. There is one thing I believe in, God. It may sound corny, but what if death was worse than life? Arent the small moments of light we may see better than darkness and possibly more pain, not just for us, but for those who we leave behind. Maybe there doesnt seem like anyone who cares, but you have touched someones life, and they care. I care and have never talked to you before. Why you may ask, because I feel the low of thinking death could be better. But I have to give myself a chance, and I hope you do too.
((((Katheryn))))
I too, have been suicidal, particularly after my life-partner committed suicide almost 5 years ago. She didn't see a way out, and believed that things would never get better. I felt the same way, but I thank my Higher Power every day that my attempt was unsuccessful. I was totally devastated by her suicide. SHe knew I loved her, but believed that no one else cared about her (which wasn't true), and she was in such pain she did it anyway. There were options out there for her, and I wish she would have given herself the chance to pursue them, but she chose what my pdoc/tdoc calls "a permanent solution to a temporary problem".
There have been other times when I have felt so bad for so long that I considered suicide, but I never gave up because I knew first hand what it would do to my family. I can't put them through that and have to believe that there is a better way out - a healthier way. And I have emerged finally from suicidal depressions, thankful that I didn't follow through with it.
I agree with the others - the fact that you posted and
peace and love,
just_a_big_kid