cant motivate myself - now what triggers
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| Fri, 11-19-2004 - 2:00pm |
I feel like I am not living - somehow it feels like I'm "only" existing.
I always try to change, but somehow I just can't do it.
There are so many things in my life that should be changed - but I can't get myself to do it:
* lose weight
* find a job
* take care of myself again and make myself look pretty again
* get over certain fears (like driving in cities where I've never driven before)
I've let myself go for about two years now, and it is really bad!!!
I'm not feeling comfortable anymore because I gained A LOT of weight and I don't take care of myself anymore. I never used to be like that!!!! I always wore make-up and tried to look as nice as possible. But lately I just though 'for whom should I look pretty?'
I used to enjoy all the comliments I got SO much, but now I just feel so ugly!
I stick to a diet for like two weeks, but then I give up because I don't lose weight after two weeks of a diet!
I seriously need a job, and I want to start working so bad (going to night school right now and I wanna work part-time beside school). I wanna move in with my boyfriend, but it's impossible as long as I don't have a job. I wanna have money that I can spend, I don't wanna be at home all day and feel lazy, I wanna do something, not only school!
But whenever I see an interesting job offert I get scared. Scared, that I am not good enough for this job. Scared, that I am too dumb to work. Scared that I will make a fool of myself if I applied for this job... This fear keeps me from applying.
How can I get over this whole 'letting-myself go' thing?
How can I start over and make everything better?
Has anyone of you ever gone through the same thing?
Please help me, I wanna live again!!!
Any advice is very much appreciated!!!

Hi, I share some of your concerns: I need to lose weight and I don't like to drive in bigger towns at all, avoid it at all costs.
But on the other stuff, take baby steps. And I see a therapist and she gentle prods me into making small steps that turn into big steps. Like joining Alanon, then several months later, suggesting I call the one to meet for lunch, then several months later, join a club, then expand on those both some more.
At least you are going to night school so that is a first step.
And I don't always put makeup on, funny how the people at my work haven't figured it out yet as all I wear is foundation and blush, and when I wear it they all say I look healthy today, and when I don't, then I hear, don't you feel well today? Makes me laugh in fact.
Sending you hugs as I don't have the wisdom of Solomon. Take care, Josie.
Thank you so much josanna for your sweet answer, and for the great tips.
I hope you will have the strength to make your wishes come true.
Take care!
Love,
...inacolada...