Venting before my BREAKDOWN

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Venting before my BREAKDOWN
4
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 3:53pm

Hit here everyone! I thought that maybe by today I would feel better but I don’t. This whole week my depression really got worse each day.
First I'm really stressed about finances. I just don’t know how to make it anymore. I work and work and still have to struckle and with Christmas coming I just want to make sure I can make everyone happy.
Second: My children’s father and I were talking and thought about working things out but I just can’t and I don’t think that things would be much different from how they used to be. Also the time I have been separated I met this guy that totally used me, lied and hurt me so much. This is the person I think I was falling in love with. He told me he was going to the field for two weeks but he was seen at a hotel with some other girl. Yes!! I talked to him twice and neither times did I have the courage to say something. Well the last time I heard from him was the 12th he never called again. What did I do WRONG? I'm not bad looking and I consider myself very giving to people and I just miss him so much and want to call him so bad but I have not. I just CAN NOT get over this. Can someone please tell how I can let go?
Third: My sister and I don’t really talk much at all, her friends are more important then me and I guess I'm jealous that I don’t get her attention. She only calls when her friend is not around or if I can take her daughter. I'm picking up my niece tonight for a sleep over with my little one so yes it will be quite the night a 2yr and 3 yr old wow. They will have fun that is all that matters.

Well I'm sorry I just needed to talk to someone about this. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so ALONE and I'm tired just tired of everything and I just want to be happy. I miss that guy so sosososo much. I just feel like I'm at the end sometimes but I still have my babies that love me and I have all of you so that helps a lot.
I hope this makes sense I tried to make a lone story short. Thanks for listening.
Bettina

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 9:06pm

(((Bettina))) You are handling so much. Give yourself some credit for finding a way to fight through. Being here helps. You are among an amazing bunch of women. Include yourself in that group. I have seen your compassionate posts to others here.

I do want to say for the record, that you have not done anything wrong, relative to your relationship. It is so easy to try and find fault from within, but that is not the reality of most situations like yours. Of course, you want things back, but the reality is you may be lucky to have things as they are. You deserve people who will treat you correctly.

As far as your sister goes. Relatives can be fair weather friends like non-relatives. But you get to see your neice, which I have always found to be awesome. You sound like having your neice is a positive thing. You sound like a sweet lady who rightfully enjoys your neice. Embrace that, instead of the negative stuff about your sister calling only occasionally.

I hope anything I have said will help.
Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa-)
Co-CL Depression Support

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 10:22pm
Hi Bettina. I hope itll bring u a smile when u get my letter! Im sorry that all this is happening to you. I dont know how to let go, I wish I did b/c then I would tell u. You sound like a great mom. I know what you mean about the sister thing, my sister is kind of like that. I guess just live your life & dont be the one to call her all the time, and eventually hopefully she will realize she doesnt call u enough. You could also talk to her directly about it. My sis kind of goes into phases when she wants to talk to me, then goes into other phases like she doesnt care that Im around. Im thinking of u & hope you will start to feel better. Remember you are strong and can get through this, HUGS
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 10:28pm
I am sorry that you are feeling so down... I wish there was a way I could make you feel better but I am not sure that I can... Don't take this in the wrong way but you deserve so much better than that guy who is treating you so badly. You seem like a person who IS very giving and I know that we need more people like you in this world. Try not to feel so alone. I promise you that there ARE people (like me) who care and I really do hope you get to feeling better. Have you ever talked to your sister about how you feel? I don't know the whole situation but MAYBE she doesn't realize what she is doing. Well, I hope I cheered you up atleast a little bit! Hang in there!
((((((Felicia))))))

Things can only go down so Far until they have to come back up.....

*Fighting for a Reason..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 2:43am
I just wanted to say thank you for your reply's Lisa,Idreamy and Felicia.
It really means alot to me to know that you guys care so much and all the thanks from my heart.
My latetest news is that I did not get to take my niece which was a bit upseting to me. I went to go get my nice and stoped at my sisters neibohrs house to say hi and she took my niece to a babysister so she could go out and party. Well she said she was not going out but I heard from a friend she was at a club and punched her husband in the face. I dont know the hole story but I just don't know what to think of her at all anymore she is not the sister that I remembered from before.
As far as that guy goes well he called me 4 times yesterday but I did not answer my phone and today he called in the early afternoon and I talked to him but again I did not have the heart to say what was on my mind. He was super nice to me and wants me to call him tonight. Well here is the problem: I miss him so so much but I know that I will never have what I want from him (his love) so I'm trying so hard not to call but I'm scared I will just because I miss him and want to see him. It has been 3 weeks now and he is calling non stop. So here is my question: If he has all these other girls what is he doing with me? Why does he keep playing these games and why do I keep giving in? I guess I must feel that I do not deserve any better. I dont know what to do at allll!!! Do I think I will call him ? YES Do I think I should NO NO NO!
Well for all the girls here I want you all to know that this board REALLY has been a blessing to me and I THANK YOU all for being their not just when you reply to my posts but all the other people here. I also think it is great how you all take us new people in its like a family here and I had missed that so much since I have had no family for 12 yrs next year. I just can not say thank you enough.... Hope you all have a great weekend and I dont know what I will do, if Im going to be strong enough not to call or if I will give in as always???? Take care to all
LOVE FR my heart
Bettina