please help me....
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please help me....
| Sun, 11-21-2004 - 5:55am |
I need advice, I need support, I need something to get me through. I don' t know what to do anymore! I am so depressed. I just don't even want to go on anymore...I just don't even feel like going any further anymore. I feel like a failure. My boyfriend realises something is wrong, but he just won't take enough time out of his day to talk with me. To listen to me...to let me tell him, tell somebody what is wrong. I am hurt by that. I feel like I did last summer when I was at a worse point; was going to end my life, and called my ex and told him I needed some help and I needed someone to talk to, and he told me he was too busy watching a movie to listen to me. Once again, I am shoved off to the side. I am unimportant. I am unloved. I don't matter to anyone. What do I do? The only places I go are work and home. I cannot even go anywhere when I want to...I am not even legal to drive!! So I am stuck in a cage....an endless, tightening cage that never ends. I cannot even afford to go to the doctor to get help. I work all the time, and I still cannot get ahead. I fall further and further behind. I am at my ropes end....I don't blame my boyfriend for not wanting to know what is worng. Why would he want to talk with someone who cannot be happy? Who is tainted? Who is not normal? Why would he even want to love me? The few times we have talked about my depression, he told me he did not even like to think about it, because he did not know what to do, and say, and it just brought him down and he told me that was the last thing he needed....I am so alone and and hurting and sad and don't know what to do anymore....I cannot even get a hug from my mama becasue she lives half a world away (literally). I need a hug from my mama so bad....I want to feel her arms around me me, telling me everything is going to be okay. But that is not going to happen any time soon. Someone please help me....

HI, I am no expert by any stretch of the imagination, but it sounds like you need some therapy and perhaps some medication to help until the therapy can help you make some long term changes or some changes in your outlook.
I am still a work in progress, but through therapy I am learning to have some self esteem and to reach out to people, to form a support group I can turn to.
I would try and access whatever free or reduced mental health services there are in your area.
I truly am blessed to have a wonderful husband that listens to me, but I was too scared before I started therapy to share with him how bad I felt as I was ashamed of myself, but am learning my experiences aren't my fault, it is what happened with my childhood, so perhaps a good therapist could help you untangle some things in your life.
We are here on the board to give encouragement and cyber hugs, but most here that are making progress are in therapy and/or on meds, or so I think so, I haven't taken an exact poll, but most of us here share how essential those 2 things are for us to manage our depression and whatever else we suffer with. I hope you can find some help. take care, Josie.
Hi there~
I can tell you are really hurting. Remember you are not alone and there is help out there!!!
Here's my advice... Counseling is the first step you need to take to get on the road to recovery. If you don't have insurance that covers it, and can't afford to pay for it yourself, there is still help out there! Look in the phone book and call a crisis hotline or local united way. Explain that you are depressed and needing help. They can refer you to local sliding scale or free counseling centers. If you live in a small town where there is no hotline/united way, call a local church and ask if they offer free counseling.
If you go to a counselor and don't feel they are helping, then try another one. Don't give up!!!
Your counselor may refer you to a doctor for medicine. Some other advice: take vitamins regularly.
Next step: Consider looking into a support group. Although internet support groups are helpful, "real" support groups can be very therapeutic. Again, call a local hotline for referrals.
Something else to consider: perhaps looking into doing some volunteer work. (This is of course after you've sought counseling - ask your counselor for advice.) Even something as simple as serving a meal at a local homeless shelter, visiting sick kids in the hospital, delivering meals on wheels, whatever will aid you in feeling better about yourself.
Take it easy, relax, and get some help. Just as if you had a broken leg, you would go to a dr for help, this is no different and it is not your fault!!!