new here, but not to depression

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2004
new here, but not to depression
1
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 9:44am

I guess the title sums it up in a short sentence. I am 28 years old, currently seperated from my husband and trying to raise my two girls (4 and 2). My depression started I guess back in junior high..so sometime ago. I hid it very well, even to this day most of the time I can hide it. I was first put in zoloft when I ended up with bad PPD, but could only stay on it for the first month due to lack of money and no health insurance. I was put back on almost a year ago because my emotions took over when I found out my husband was doing drugs for 4 out of 5 years of our marriage and I didn't find out until about a year ago now (reason why we are seperated). I seemed to handle my depression on my own, until now. I can't hold a job for long because, like today, I got depressed and I couldn't find the strength to bring myself to work and put a smile on. Most days I can, and most days I can't. I have a very close friend (boyfriend) that tries to help me through, but isn't able to because I shut him and everyone out. I don't want them to see me this way, but my girls end up seeing it almost every day.

My life has been turned upside down since my seperation. We used to live in Georgia, now in Minnesota (DH is still in GA). We lost everything because of my husband and his drug addiction. We lost our house, bedroom set, tv, living room set...everything. He also pawned a lot of things off for the money (including his wedding band). I worked overtime at work in GA just to make ends meet..they never did meet. My husband wouldn't watch the girls (before I found out about drugs) so I still had to pay a sitter, plus all the other bills that come along with home ownership. He lied to me about going to work...he got fired several months prior and pretended he was going to work.

I am emotionally drained. I can't find the strength anymore to even go on living. I woke up this morning, got dressed, trying to hold back the tears..I wasn't strong enough. I called my boyfriend and told him "I can't do this anymore, I don't want to be here anymore". He asked me where I wanted to be..I couldn't answer him, all I could do was disconnect the call. I don't want to be here anymore. I have no health insurance, so a doctor is out for me to get on medication. I applied for health insurance assistance, but they say it will take up to 60 days...I can't live like this for another 60 days. I may not make it through today.......................................................

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 4:03pm

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Sweetie))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


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