BF has depression, won't get help

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
BF has depression, won't get help
4
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 2:57pm
Hi all!
I'm new to this board, just found it but glad I did. BF has depression, and it's not only affecting his life but mine as well. I'm an optimistic fairly happy person that does not suffer from clinical depression, sure I get depressed but I deal with it and it goes away and SO has it and it runs in his family. Immediate family member has it so bad that has attempted suicide and is on meds and being treated. My BF will not seek treatment and has alcoholism as well. Won't get help for this. I call his alcoholism social because he cannot be trusted to go out with friends and not get hammered everytime, and has driven drunk with 2 OWI's all of this as well as mood swings and just an inability to enjoy his life and his life with me. Being the person I am I try to be very supportive and not critical and nagging but it's affecting my feelings for him because I see him becoming a person I do not like sometimes. I know that I cannot really help him, only by being there for him but I'm sensing that that may not be enough. When he's happy he drinks when he's sad he drinks, there's no mood that can't be celebrated or ignored by alcohol and when the moods are changing all the time. STRESS is a bad thing for him and can also trigger episodes of drinking. It's strange he can go for a week or two without getting sloshed and than have 3 or 4 bad nights. He's fallen and injured himself several times and he says mean things sometimes when he's drunk. I call it alcoholism because I don't have a refrence but it's not like he's drinking himself into a coma every night but I'm embrassed when he's like this so I don't go out with him and his friends all drink as well. Is it clinical depression or is it alcoholism or both???? Any help would be appreciated thanks!
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 9:10pm

Hey there. He obviously does have a drinking problem, but I definitely think that there is something behind the alcohol that is driving this addiction. He must be unhappy with something, I dont know what, and u probably dont know what either. It seems to be something personal for sure & having nothing to do with you. On the other hand it could have to do with pressure when he is out with friends. Does he ever drink when he is not with friends? Maybe its his way of fitting in & has developed to become a problem.

I think you need to ask yourself some questions, like: Do I love this man? How long can/will I tolerate this? Etc... because really I think you are right that you cant do much else for him besides be there for him & encourage him. He has to come to the realization that there is something wrong, even if he doesnt fit a perfect profile of an alcoholic. The fact is that it is affecting other aspects of his life, and other ppl in his life.

I wish I had better advice for you... If you really care about him a lot then stick to him but dont let his problem make your life miserable...just decide how long you can stay in the situation & draw a line. If he passes that line, then leave. Sorry I hope thats not bad advice. Its just that if it gets out of hand then he could become a danger to himself or others in a verbal or physical way. It sounds like he cares about you but alcohol can really alter our judgement about things.

Oh yeah I should probably mention that you can also go to your doctor about it & ask what you can do to help him, as well as possibly searching online for what to do if a loved one has this kind of problem. I really hope everything works out good. Please update us. I hope he will be able to find & hopefully fix the problem. He is always welcome to come on here if he is open to that as well. HUGS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 8:24am

Hi there!


I'm so sorry things are so rough with your BF, I of course

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 12:55pm
Thanks so much for the sentiments. It's helped alot. Even if just to get my own mind focused on what is going on.
I've realized that working on how I feel about this and where it needs to go for me, is just as important as making him work on this too!
Lots of thanks!
Ladylove91
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 12:57pm
Your graphics really cheered me up!! Thanks for the reply and the number I will keep it and definately use it in times of need!
Lots of thanks
Ladylove91