WHATS A GIRL TO DO

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
WHATS A GIRL TO DO
2
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 1:44am
Oh here I go again. Just dont't know what to do anymore. As long as I'm around people I'm fine but once I get home alone when my kids are gone I'm so sad I start to feel what is the point of waking up anymore. Nothing changes ever. I want to so much just be happy with someone. I thought that I met the person I could do that with and it turned out that he was lieing to me and just using me for I could get him, (let's call him C). I have other guys who want to get to know me, do stuff with me and all that great stuff but I CAN"T. The only one I want is C and he could care less. Why is that? I just can not get over him I would do anything for him.Once I start to let go he starts to call again, and I miss him so much that I answer just to hear his voice. I gave in and saw him this past weekend and all was good for the moment he was with me and I was so HAPPY he was with me. Well then yesterday I called him and left a message on his phone about the lie he told me and I have not heard anything back from him. He wanted me to buy something for him but before I did I wanted to know the truth if he was in the field like he said or in a hotel with a girl that came to visit him. Well like I said I have not had one call from him since I left the message on his phone so what now?
I feel as if I'm being punished everyday. I see all these people that are married and have bf and here I'am almost 30 and I have no one to love me. I have so much to offer a man and yet I can not meet the right one or I think I did and it turns out to be a player. I guess with the holidays coming it would be so nice to have someone in my life but I want it to be someone I could have a life with. I'm not getting any younger you know.Once I'm 30 who will want me?
My x-bf of 11 yrs says he loves me but we went through so much I just dont know if I can believe him. How do I know if it is love that I'm feeling for my x-bf. I feel empty around him the only thing is that I'm not alone.As long as Im nice to my x-bf and try and work things out he is nice but once I tell him Im not ready to come back yet he turns mean.I wanted to try and build a friend ship with him but I guess we can not do that but in order to even try and work things out I need that with him.We needed to build trust and that is something that is impossible because he cheated ALOT the years I was with him. Oh I don't know if this is even making any sense to anyone. I just needed to get this off my mind for a brief second. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Bettina
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 10:37am

Hi Bettina,


Well I had to smile when I read the line in your post about "once I'm 30 who will want me?"

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 10:39am

((((Bettina))))


You aren't going to attract the right person in your life until you love and accept yourself first - I went through the same thing. Al-Anon helped me, but if you don't have any alcoholics in your family, CoDa (CoDependents Anonymous) could be VERY helpful if there is one in your area - there are plenty of others who are going through the same things you are. Also, any book by Melody Beattie is good - "CoDependent No More" is the classic. She also has a daily reader "The Language of Letting Go" which I have found very helpful this year.


There IS life after 30. My sister didn't get married until 33,

peace and love,

just_a_big_kid