Rising Up Out of the Ashes
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Rising Up Out of the Ashes
| Wed, 11-24-2004 - 10:13pm |
Besides meds, what do you do to "Rise Out of the Ashes"(What helps you to get out of your depression?)
I'm in a bad state of depression right now (yea - suicide is on my mind) and I was wondering what could help. Any Ideas?
~StormyMoon

(((((Stormy))))), if you're actively suicidal, please get help NOW!
Yes, suicide is on my mind...I want one last xmas with my dad. I'm thinking the last of January or the first of Feburary. I don't want it to be too close to the holidays when I do. That's a date with myself unless I can find a way to get out of this. I'll keep posting my progress here.
I've tried everything.....I love Fawlty Towers (it don't play here) but I've tried my other British Comedies and American Comedies to help. Listening to my fave music, hiking, taklking to others on line, playing games etc...NOTHING IS WORKING!!!
I am taking my meds and seeing my pdoc....no help either. My feelings of unsecurity, guilt, meaningless life etc are taking over my being. I can't shake it. I must find a way to shake it SOON. I've been feeling this for about the last month. I still can't shake it. I've tried suicide 4 times in my life and I'm still here. This time I'm trying rat poison. I've got it already....it's waiting for me.
My pdoc is laughing at me when I tell him this....he still hasn't gotten my old records form my other pdocs. He says that was then, it has nothing to do with today. He says it isn't realivent to pull the old records. He laughs at me for my problems. I can't find a FEMALE pdoc in my area. I'd have to drive 1 1/2 hours one way to get to one. I live in the boonedocks. Only small towns around here and it's the same pdocs that travel to each town. They are all in it together...I know because I've already changed docs in this "group". One is just as bad as the other.
LadyIrish, thanks for your words.
StormyMoon
Hi Stormy!
Sorry to hear you are so down right now. Sounds to me like you really do need to find another Pdoc even if its not a woman and if he really is laughing at you then I would consider reporting him to the AMA for unethical behavior.
*hugs
Yea he really does laugh at me.....snickers when I speak.
I wish my old pdoc was still here - I miss her. Dr. Tren was the BEST!!! She'd always listen with a open mind and heart. I moved away to Florida for 2 years and when I came back...she was gone.
I've GOT to shake this.....I'm doing all I know how... going to my pdoc and taking my meds....
Talking to friends and family, trying to watch funny tv, listen to my fave music, playing fun pc games, doing my religious studies, posting on this board (and I post on other boards), talking to people I've met on line etc...It barely helps...I go back to my 'reality' and I'm very depressed. The doc says I'm bipolar with anxity/panic attacks. I've been in the hospital over my condition 2 times in the last 2 months. Sometimes I feel like I've lost my mind.
I'm without a relationship right now...that doesn't help. Being in a relationship is what I live for. Not for sex(that I DON'T desire) but for emotional support and yea ok it helps me to feel secure and useful/meaningful. Is that wrong? Heck, I don't know what is right or wrong anymore.
To make matters worse - I'm still in love with my ex. But I'm told: "to get over a old love you have to find a new love." But I'm also told "Don't". I'm confused and scared. I've never been so lonely, scared and depressed in my 32 years of life. Besides I can't wait until the afterlife....from everything I've read and heard its the most wonderful place there is. If that is infact true, then can I go now? lol
I do sometimes laugh...but it feels so fake and hollow. Why am I plagued with this? I feel weird. I don't think I've ever felt this way before. The truth be told, I've tried suicide 4 times....I'm still here. But I've never felt this way. Never so empty, alone, scared, hurt and sad. This is the worst I've been. Atleast I'm talking about it...I'm not used to that either. Yes I'm crying out for help. That's why I'm posting. Maybe someone here can say something to help...*sigh* I'm still looking for a maricle and answers to my prayers. Yes I pray. I pray several times a day. Am I being heard? I'm scared, even crying as I write this....
Thanks for the messages and thoughts
StormyMoon
(((((Stormy))))), we're here for you no matter what.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((Stormy, ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I have been in your shoes thinking that it isn't worth going on and wondering why I should keep fighting, and having to do what Caly says when you are at the end of your rope tie a knot and just hang on for dear life.