Sister envy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Sister envy
4
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 12:37pm
My sister and I are both home for the Thanksgiving weekend at my parents' home in Pennsylvania. I go to college in New York state and she works in Washington DC. We are fairly close in age - I'm 20 and she's 23. My sister and I aren't very close, and I've always felt envious towards her. I feel like she is smarter and more successful than me. I also wonder sometimes if she is thinner and more beautiful. I think that she feels jealous towards me because I'm closer to our parents, and I get more of the things that I want. I just want to be happy being me and stop envying my sister. Does anyone have any advice for me? Should I try to build a better relationship with my sister? I feel as though I don't really know her as a person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
In reply to: pinkstar84
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 12:50pm

Hi Pinkstar,

It is so hard when our envy and jealousies act up, isn't it??? Regardless of these feelings, I think that you should attempt to build a better relationship with your sister. Your post comes across as if you would really like a relationship with her, and perhaps if you got to know the adult person she has become, you might find out that there is no need to envy her after all. She is just a person, like you, that has her own struggles to deal with and, I'm sure, many insecurities as well.

Best of luck to you and I hope you enjoy this time at home with your family.
Brightest Blessings,
Annika

Brightest Blessings, Annika


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
In reply to: pinkstar84
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 3:38pm
Thanks for replying to my post. I definitely appreciate your kindness and support. I think you are right that I'd like a relationship with my sister. I guess I'm just not sure exactly how to go about it. She didn't treat me very well while we were growing up, but I'd like to look past that and have a relationship with her now. Thanks for your great advice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: pinkstar84
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 3:42pm

Hi, Pinkstar,

I just wanted to let you know that I can really relate to your situation. I'm 24, and I actually have an identical twin sister, which makes the comparisons even easier. I think I've always been at least somewhat jealous of her...and when I saw a psychiatrist recently, that's the main issue she focused on, the idea that I have always felt "second best" in comparison to my sister. But like you, I've heard from my mom once that my sister was actually jealous of me at times too.

I also feel like I don't know my sister at all as a person...we were close as kids, but don't even talk anymore except on holidays (not because we're mad at each other...I don't really know why). We also live across the country from each other, so that makes it a little more difficult.

I think that building a relationship with your sister sounds like a great idea. When my sister and I do talk, we end up finding so many similarities in ourselves and wondering why we hadn't started speaking sooner. I wish I had some more specific advice for you... but even just starting with a simple email (or I send my sister e-cards on different holidays sometimes) or a phone call could be a good idea. I hope you find a way to reconnect...I will try to do the same with my sister someday too.

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
In reply to: pinkstar84
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 5:23pm
Thanks for sharing your story with me. I'm sorry that you and your sister aren't as close as you would like to be. I guess I am afraid of making the first step in trying to be closer with my sister because I'm afraid that she'll reject me. She didn't treat me very well when we were growing up, but I want to put all that behind us and have a good relationship now. I only have one sister, and I've always wanted to have a close relationship with her. A lot of my friends at college have really close relationships with their sisters, and I wish that I had the same kind of relationship with my sister.