*** Please Help!!!! ***

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
*** Please Help!!!! ***
1
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 3:06pm

Well, i finally got up the guts to stand up to my mother and everyone with her with the help of my mother in law and my husband. But here is the thing... I feel bad for it. So bad that I want to pick up the phone and try to make ends meet even though I don't think that would be possible. Here is the email I sent to my mom.

Mom,
I know that you have been trying to get in touch with me lately but I am so upset with you. Why do you seem to put all the blame on ME and/or on DELLA? (THAT'S MY AUNT) I am in control of myself and I have been making my own decisions, including not speaking with you. AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF FREAKEN DELLA! You cut all the ties with me. You specifically said that you didn't want anything to do with me. So therefore, I have respected your wishes and moved on. When I finally start thinking of myself before anyone else for once, (including you), all heck broke loose. You always told me to BE myself and when I finally took you up on that advise, it seems as if I have incriminated the whole world. Yes, I have made mistakes but who hasn't? In our family, it's all about he said she said...Why don't anyone ask around for the truth? Or is that to hard to do? I have always backed you up, even when I knew you were wrong. You have pushed me away not once, not twice, but three times and I can't go through that again. (What a wedding gift, huh?) It seems as if this is your easy way out of handling problems. I even think this thing with me "choosing Della over you" (which is bs) is nothing more than some excuse. Why are you truly putting me out of your life? Is it to make things easier on you? The reason why you were not involved with the wedding is because YOU were the one who stepped out of the picture until about a week before the actual big day. That was NOT my choice... That was yours... So please don't blame me for something you did! For you to push me out of your life over a quarrel you have with SOMEONE else, that hurts me more than anything. Mom, my heart has been wripped out and handed to me on a silver platter. My anger has never been like this, even when I got raped. For my own mother to give up on me like it was nothing?! You always promised me that you would be by my side no matter what. You promised me that you would love me forever! YOU PROMISED ME THAT YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE HAS! All those broken promises and YOU say that YOU are "hurt??!!" I have tried to put myself in your shoes... But the one thing that I still can't figure out is how you can say that I chose someone over my own mother! I am not that darn crazy! I guess the reason why I am so mad is because of your senseless accusations and the fact that you gave up on me, just like that... And I can't say it any better than that. Also, in the long email you sent me, it was like I am all to blame.... It's like you have done no wrong... Yeah, that p*ssed me off even more and I believe I have the right to feel the way I do! But for you to throw all this up in my face saying that this is "wrong" for me not to tell YOU anything when you are the one who wanted nothing to do with me? Hello! THink about it. It's time for me to stand up for myself mom... Even though I am usually to nice to do so, I can't let this stuff bring me down again. For the sake of Mj, my son, and most of all, for me. Yeah, I gotta life now... A life where my mother has chosen to dismiss herself from... (Of course, that is until the grandbaby comes, huh? That's the way it usually happens... Figures...) I have a lot more I want to write but I think I will stop for now. I WILL ALWAYZ LOVE YOU MOM, but I am in control now. That means when I am ready to talk to you or anyone else in the family, I will call you. There is no need to keep calling or trying to contact me.

Was I to mean? Did I do the right thing? Now she is saying, (along with my grandma who said she would always be there for me) that they will have nothing to do with me, FOREVER. Did I ask for that? Do you think that they will stick by their word? Should I be this upset? I am sorry for all the questions but I feel so bad and I don't know if I really should. (I hope that makes sense.) Sorry this is so long but thank you for listening.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and hugs to all!

By the way, I am still stuck in pre-term labor. The baby is suppose to be due on Christmas. I don't think I am going to make it that far! :)

((((((Felicia))))))

Things can only go down so Far until they have to come back up.....

*Fighting for a Reason..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 7:10pm

Hi Felica!


First off good luck with the Baby, Sounds like he is ready to make his entrance and I hope all goes well with that.


I personally dont think your letter was too mean. You took control of your life and that is what you need to do. Your right that your Mother can not blame you for a quarrel she has with your Aunt, nor put you in the middle and you made that clear.

*hugs