Not sure what to do
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Not sure what to do
| Sun, 11-28-2004 - 6:29pm |
Thanks for taking the time to read this. I'm 30, been dealing with bouts of depression for a few years now. I recently went back on meds a month ago because I just didn't feel right. I was having problems in my relationship with my boyfriend. I was irritible, moody, and often "blah." I've been with him for about 4 months, and he was very sweet and supportive of me. The reason I'm writing is because he broke up with me a couple days ago, after we'd had an argument. At first I was in shock and angry, but now I actually feel okay about it. My question is, why aren't I sad right now? We had our issues and differences, but he treated me better than any guy ever had. Does this mean he wasn't the one? He called yesterday and asked if we could try again, that he regretted his decision and that he feels awful about everything. He says he can't eat or sleep and is really having a hard time with it. I told him I needed some time to think things through and that the breakup made me question some things. Now I feel so much pressure because he said he'd wait to hear from me, but not to wait too long. He misses me so much and I just kind of feel indifferent about everything. Can anyone help me make sense of all of this? Thanks a lot.

(((((Mallory))))), part of your numbness right now is probably shock.
Hello--
My boyfriend broke up with me not too long ago as well, so I relate a bit to what you are saying. I felt very heartbroken by it, but I have been through various ups and downs-- days when I felt very upset and angry, and days when I thought I could go forever and never think about him again. So I think that it is normal to feel all kinds of things, even numbness, and it doesn't necessarily mean you are not upset or didn't care about him, but that you are going through various emotions, including shock. I think that's just part of the process.
I do think, though, that you should allow yourself enough time to sort out the feelings that you have, and whether or not you want to get back together. If he cares about you, and it sounds like he does, he should respect your need for some space, even if he is eager to get back together. Also, something prompted him to initiate a breakup, so maybe you should spend some time talking with him about the argument and the reasons for the breakup before you re-commit. It may be that you can have a happy and healthy relationship with him, but I would try to sort out some of the feelings that both you and he are having before moving on.
Good luck-- I am dealing with a similar situation, so I hope you feel better and things go well!