How do I help my boyfriend????
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How do I help my boyfriend????
| Fri, 12-03-2004 - 12:07pm |
I hope I'm on the right board. My boyfriend (actually ex-bf) is depressed and I don't know how to help him. He's been through a lot of serious drawbacks in the last 2.5 years and was doing fine until he recently lost his job. Before this happened, we were on the verge of reconciling. His mood is now withdrawn and distant and he has NO interest in celebrating Xmas. He was the exact same way last year and the year before. I think something really bad happened around this time of year but he won't talk to me about it. He lost his mother 4 years ago and since then has an unstable and inconsistant relationship with his 3 siblings. I've tried to get him to go to movies or dinner but he dosen't seem to want to go out. He is also drinking a little more than usual. I'm really worried about him. We used to be very close and could talk about anything but lately he is agitated and has mood swings. How can I get him out of this funk and help him be able to enjoy the holidays again??? ANY advice at this point will be appreciated.

Hey hon...I'm sorry you're going through so much turmoil right now...and I'm also sorry to say that you can't do anything at this point to make him better. You can only love and support him as much as he'll allow you to. He has to want to get help before he can get better. I'm definitely not saying there is no hope, because there is SO much hope. You just have to be patient. Forcing him, or "pushing" him to do things could backfire on you, so be careful there. My advice is just be there for him, for whatever he needs. If he needs and wants to be alone, leave him alone for a while. You may be right that something happened to him around this time one year in his past. But you can't get him to talk about it. He is going to have to be WILLING and READY to talk about it.
You also have to take care of YOURSELF. You can't let yourself get stressed and sad and depressed too. You'll make yourself ill. Its very hard to watch, and sometimes you have to watch from a distance. There is no guilt in that.
I have Bipolar Disorder, and I know just how hard it is on my family. I applaud you for being willing and wanting to help him. But I also know from hard experience that he has to want to get help FOR HIMSELF.
Many many hugs,
Keli