my husband makes me self harm......
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 12-06-2004 - 6:06am |
I have been married almost 3 years..I have a 10 month old daughter and I'm about 10 weeks pregnant.
I have suffered from depression for years, although when I met my Husband, I thought everything would be OK......How wrong could I have been?
I have had M.E for about 4 years and can find it debilitating, my husband is my 'carer'...
That's a joke!
We live in a damp flat that has 3 flights of stairs, so I only go out once a month maybe. Hubby is always telling me to sleep to get better, and when I do, he has a go at me...He has to control everything and if something doesn't go his way, he'll get so angry, he'll make me cry, then tell me I'm being childish! I'm 22, he's 40.
He really is so controlling to the point of where if I dont do something he wants, he calls me a bad mother. I'm NOT a bad mother, I'm fantastic with my daughter...I make her giggle and laugh whereas he swears at her if she doesn't eat all her food, or if she spills a drink...it really upsets me.
I have no-one to talk to about this, and I feel like ending it all, I really REALLY cannot deal with this controlling obsessive violent guy who is constantly putting me down.
He becomes violent because he will mentally abuse me until I cannot take any more, I'll end up self harming, and he lashes out.
The worst thing is, however much we try and talk, he always turns it back on me, saying it's my fault, he will make me feel worthless, and he doesnt stop until I do!!
Can I also add, he doesnt work, he has no intention of doing so...also, he doesnt wish to drive or even learn to......he doesnt want to move because he thinks we'll manage here with two babies (3 flights of stairs remember)
I have aspirations, but I'm not really allowed to :(
I know the simple solution would be to leave him, but I can't...simply because
a) I have NO-WHERE to go
b) I wouldnt cope financially
c) I wouldnt physically cope with 2 children
Am I stuck? Should I just put up with it and do as he says??
I can't win.
Plz plz help me!!
Sharon x
Edited 12/6/2004 6:27 am ET ET by shazzidy

Hey hun
I know its scary to think about leaving but it has to be scarier to think about staying.
*hugs
You can leave. First of all, look out for yourself & your daughter. Your husband is a harmful person in your and her lives, & will be to your new baby.
There are places to go like shelters. If you dont have family or friends who you can stay with, please look into women's shelters. They will help you. They will probably also help you to find a job. Since you will only be able to work limited hours (b/c have a child), I believe you can be on partial social assistance plus make some $ by working, so you will be supported that way. The shelters will probably also help you to find support for taking care of your two children. Please please look into the help. It will be a tough journey but you will be so proud of yourself! Let us know how you are doing please, take care
I'm almost 14 weeks pregnant now, I still havent had the courage to leave...It's too convenient, it's become 'comfortable'.
We just had a fight, it started because I asked him to give my daughter spaghetti with toast for lunch, but as normal, he did what he wanted, because he "knows best"...(this was the first time I went out for like a month)...I came back and found everywhere a mess, it's so frustrating, he never EVER listens to me.
I just verbally lashed out at him, (hormones), and he tried to violently retaliate..I went for him because I don't want to be pushed down the stairs for a 3rd time....I asked him to leave but he wouldn't, so I hit him on the back...he grabbes my wrists screaming "YOU'RE PREGNANT SO CALM DOWN" then he threw me over my daughter's toy chest (2 foot high, 4 foot long)
He fell down the stairs (not intentional)....now he has come back up and told me I'm a nutter, he knows this hurts me.......
He's also told me that he's going to take my daughter down social services, I can't take it any more.
I've had enough of everything now, I've seeked help, but he's such a charming guy, everyone believes him....I have no-one now, I can't take all this mental and physical abuse...
If I'm not being controlled, I'm being hurt emotionally and violently...
He plays mind games with me, he taunts me and swears at me and my daughter,he then tells me I'm playing mind games with him !?!?!?
I'm not going to go through this any more, but I only have 1 option left....
As he has just told me, I'm not worthy of my daughter, I'm not wanted by anyone, so I may as well just do the World a favour....:(
Thankyou for all your support, I guess I really don't have the courage to be by myself, I think HE has knocked every bit of confidence from me
Sharon 'n bump xxx xxx xxx
Sweetie,