bf / friends & depression
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| Tue, 12-07-2004 - 2:38pm |
Hi,
I think I am starting to develop depression. Had it before and recognise the symtoms.
Now, my bf and I are in a long-distance relationship at the moment (have been for 3 months, will be for another 6 months or so). I have told him I was going to get medication from the doctor, and asked how much support he was willing to give me.
His answer? He will gladly give me physical affection (hugs etc.) during our weekend visits, but would rather not talk too much about it, either in person or over the phone. I do not have many friends here and am on a waiting list to see a counsellor, so if I can't talk to him about it, then I can't really talk to anyone about it (am not *that* close to my friends to burden them with too much talk about depression). I mean, is it normal for depressed people to want to talk? And is it fair to expect your partner and/or your friends to listen? And if they won't, does that mean they don't care?
Is his offer reasonable? I mean, could I seriously expect him to talk about it more? Or is it a sign that we are not right for each other? He is 20, I am 26. He loves me and says he won't leave me, now things have become a bit tough, but on the other hand he wants me to sort my depression out by myself, and not be involved too much beyond what he offered above. I asked him is he considers me a hindrance now and if he will leave me, and he says that I mean too much to him for him to leave me because of the depression. That's good, right? But I still would like to be able to talk about it now and then.
My ex was the complete opposite in terms of support (he gave me whatever support I could have wanted), but he suffered from depression himself and knows what it's like. AND he was not very willing to get out of his depression - even if my bf might sound a bit hard, at least he is not someone who would stay in a situation if he could do something about it, and he just wants me to apply the same attitude to my depression.
I feel as though I will have to develop a bit of a split persona, the one trying to sort out the depression without too much talk, and the person needing to talk and wanting love and reassurance. And I have to be person A with my bf and person B to whoever will listen. And I don't know if I will have the energy for that.
Also, I don't have the motivation right now to have fun. So what on earth am I going to talk about when he calls? I can't really say that I have done X, Y and Z when I haven't done it. Or force myself to do things I don't want to do just so it sounds as though I am doing everything I can. And then I get jealous because of all the stuff he does in his life, none of which I have the energy to do (go out, play sports, etc.). He probably just expects me to get on with things, but depression makes me want to stop dead and not do anything.
Sorry this is so long. Any advice would really be appreciated.
