does it get better???

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2004
does it get better???
3
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 8:37pm
Hello - I am new to this board - but not new here (high risk pregnancy in 2001...) I have been suffering from depression for many years now on prozac, wellbutrin and also topomax for bi-polar 2 disorder. The wellbutrin was added at the beginning of october after a suicide attempt (the very first) but after 2 months i feel as though i am worse. i am crying constantly, have no energy, and thoughts of suicide more than i have had since high school (and that is more than 15 years now...) I don't want my daughter to grow up with the same kind of mother that i had - constantly in bed, never able to do things and always down about things, but right now i feel helpless about the future and don't know what to do. I feel as though the downward spiral has not come up yet and i have no where to go. I commented to my therapist that by the time i get home from work some days i am exhausted from "pretending" to be happy all day and that it is amazing that i can stay awake until it is time for my daughter to go to sleep. Her father works 3pm to 11pm so there is no help there (i work days.) and my family is in chicago (I live in wisconsin) I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like things can't get anyworse, but they aren't getting any better. i just wish i could deal with things like normal people and get over all this and move on. i feel like i am stuck in a cloud that won't go away and i can't pick myself up. i try all the things my therapist suggests....think happy things, think of all the good things in my life, remember all the positive things you can do, go for a walk....do something you enjoy....but right now none of that works and all it does is make me cry even more. how do i get through this??? i even had to throw away my sleeping pills for fear that i would take a handful again...and yes, i have already called my psychiatrist, has not returned my call yet....cannot call local crisis line - i work there and do not want to talk to them (sucks working for the county...especially at times like this....) i just want to sit in a corner and disappear....but know that isn't possible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 9:14pm

(Possible triggers)


Yes it gets better. But never on our time! I'm glad to hear you threw out the sleeping pills. After a few beers during my depression recently, I swallowed a bottle of pills on impulse and landed myself on a stretcher in the ER, then the psych ER (at the hospital that I work for, so I know about confidentiality fears!).


As my pdoc and many, many people told me, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I have had a few suicidal depressions, and I am so grateful that the one I actually acted on was not that dangerous and that I didn't act on the others, because the feelings did pass.


If you don't hear from your doctor soon, is there a number for a national crisis hotline that you can

peace and love,

just_a_big_kid

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 11:24pm

(((((Ashmom))))), I can tell you from experience that it DOES get better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 11:33pm


Dear,

You are not alone. I too have had suicidal thoughts. I think most people with depression have either thought about suicide or attempted suicide. I so understand where you are coming from. I have gone through periods of crying for days.

Please contact a national suicide hotline and try to talk to someone. Remember to keep posting. Depression affects every socio economic background, intellectual quotient and race. Unfortunately, women tend to get it the most. Please stop beating up on yourself. Your concern about your daughter and the affect your depression will have on her is a very mature, deep thought. I think you can and are a good mother. Just take everything one day at a time.

S.