How to survive the holidays?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
How to survive the holidays?
4
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 8:39pm

I knew today was too good to be true. When I came home, where I am still living with my to-be ex and our son, I was given news that sent me into my usual emotional tailspin. My to-be mentioned that our son was invited to a Christmas party with the family of one of his friends on Christmas Eve. My to-be would be there, too, and it would leave me alone the entire day and evening. The friend is the son of a woman who committed identity theft against me two years ago while she was pretending to be my friend, introduced to me by my to-be and still very good friend of my to-be. My son now sees this boy routinely twice per week, and now he's going to have my son on an important FAMILY holiday. I am not allowed to bring any of my feelings about how wrong I think it is that my son is still so involved with this family, as it only causes huge fights and ends up with more time my son spends with these people, not less. I can't even talk to my son about it, as this makes him feel bad about his friendship. I'm now sitting in this room by myself, crying my eyes out, and unable to explain to my son what's up. He's mad at me, and is in another room watching a movie I was looking forward to watching with him during the only time I have with him in the day. I don't know what to do, this is just tearing me up, and I'm powerless. I realize that somehow I have to "make the best of it" for the sake of my son, by I don't know how to do this as it feels so awful right now. I'm afraid I'll end up going to bed early and not having spent any time with my son. I have no idea how I ended up in this situation, almost fighting for my son's time and attention versus his time and attention with this other family who has caused me pain and problems, which my to-be looks at me as crazy for seeing that way.
I know this pales in comparison to problems other here are experiencing, but these days the only good thing in my life is my son. I feel I'm possibly losing so much here.

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 9:04pm

As hard as it is, and as angry as you are with the situation, be there for your son, and let him know that you love him regardless of what is going on with your tobe-ex and this other family. You are right, you don't want this to drive a wall up between the two of you, the divorce is hard enough. He needs to know that you love him unconditionally. And, you want to spend time with him. So, if you are still at your computer and read this, go out and watch the movie with him. It is OK for you to feel sad that he won't be there on Christmas Eve and you can tell him that, but make plans for when the two of you will be together - something for both of you to look forward to.


I don't know - i'm not a parent. Just a suggestion.

peace and love,


just_a_big_kid


Sue

peace and love,

just_a_big_kid

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 12:55am
Sue, thank-you for your words. You don't need to be a parent to understand relationships. After messing things up by talking with my son about what had me so upset, to which he responded by saying "I don't want to talk about this" and closed the door in my face, I later went back in and joined him, enjoying my time with him greatly. He repeated "I love you" many times, realizing I was feeling down, but we left it at that and made plans to have fun when we're free to do so. Honestly, I feel as though your sn describes my behavior right now. We're both going through so much right now, and I need to be the grown-up and be his rock, not vice versa. Geez!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 4:09pm

As this is my first year with my Son

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 4:47pm

Caly, bless you for your words. It's very reassuring to know someone in the same boat has been able to cope. You are an angel right now.

Melissa