Frustrated

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2004
Frustrated
2
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 8:45am

Hello everybody. I'm new here *waves*
It seems like I'm always feeling crappy about myself. When I do feel happy, it feels fake and like I'm just waiting for a trigger to set me off to when I'm feeling miserable again. I absolutely can't stand myself. I have a really low self-esteem. I eat whenever I'm upset and I end up gaining weight and feeling worse about myself.

I used to think that it would all be okay if I lost weight but I did and it didn't make me feel any better. It's like there's this constant emptiness inside of me and I don't know how to fix it. I always feel exhausted mentally and physically and I just don't want to do anything anymore. I just want to give up hope sometimes.

I'm such a perfectionist with everything I do. It's never good enough. I have goals so high that it's like I can never be proud of what I do. I had an 89% average on my last report card (I'm in gr.11) and I still think I should have done better. I always find a way to say something bad about myself if someone compliments me or something.

Please help.. I'm getting fed up with this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 4:15pm

Hi and Welcome!


Sounds like you could benefit from the words that helped me many years ago when I had such low self esteem.. They were actually written back in the Middle ages but are soo true even today








Desiderata







Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be on silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and agressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others.
you may become vain and bitter; for always
there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let that not bind you to what virtue there is;
many person strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself, Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nuture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome disipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a Child of the universe,
no less then the trees and the stars;
and you have a right to be here.
And whether or not is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you concieve him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in all the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be Careful. Strive to be happy.

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 5:49pm

Wow, you sound just like I did in high school! The perfectionist, trying to be the perfect daughter, and never living up to my own standards. I am SO GLAD that you found this board. Stuff like this didn't exist for me back then, and I struggled for a long time before accepting myself for who I am, imperfections (of which there are many - LOL!) and all.


It is easy for us to tell you to give yourself a break and look at all the positive things about you, etc, etc, and I agree that you should do all those things, but maybe some other resources would help:


ANYTHING by Melodie Beattie - she's great!


ANYTHING by Lousie Hays - she's also great!


The Spirituality of Imperfection by Ernest Kurst and Katherine Ketchum


And there is a long list of recommended books , etc compiled by all of us in one of the lower sections of this board - I'd look for it, but then I'd lose this post!


peace and love,

just_a_big_kid