new here...can anyone relate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
new here...can anyone relate?
7
Sat, 12-11-2004 - 2:19am

Hi, I am Chrissy. I've had mild depression forever, since I was a kid. Mom was depresssed. Lived life ok, partying and having fun at the teenage years kept the depression mild. But since I got married and had 3 kids it's gotten worse. There are up days and down days. Not manic and depression. Just days I feel more depressed than others. Anyone else feel like that? I don't take any meds. I tried a few and did not like the side effects. I am going on WEllbutrin, mainly to quit smoking, in January (wish me luck). I go to therapy but change therapist every 6 months or so because I feel it wasn't going anywhere, one Psy, I liked I couldn't afford anymore. I hate this illess and feel like it's a life sentence. KWIM? I want to get better and "live" life but just can't seem to get there. My worse night mare is to feel like this into my golden years and yet I am only 35. I am scared my children will pick up on it also. I have ALOT of stressors, 3 kids under 3, sick parents, and a very stressful/depressing job.

I was wondering if anything worked for you guys or how you deal. I go to the gy as often as possible which helps. I work and socialized. So, my depression isn't major, But still I feel like there is more to life than this. I want to feel peace and feel like a failure or have such negative thoughts about everything. SOme days techniques I learned work other days I think I need to committ myself (big fear of mine is not able to function) I never attempted suicide, though the thought that "I'd rather not be around in the hell of a world" had crossed my mind, more than once. No plan though and I wouldn't attempt. I want to beat this thing and just don't have the coping skills to do that. OR I feel it wil always be here and I just have to learn to be a person who is depressed alot and go on with life.

SOrry for the ramble, just seeing if anyone can relate. Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Sat, 12-11-2004 - 8:58am

Hi Chrissy,

Welcome. It sounds like depression is hereditary, like in my family. With the young kiddos, I bet you get exhausted. And your parents illness. I can relate to the depressing job. (I just hate working 3rd shift.) I try to tell myself "I don't have to go to work" "I GET to go to work." Sometimes that helps, sometimes not.

I do take meds and they help. Maybe you didn't give the meds a chance. A lot of times, the side effects do go away. Good luck with quittting smoking.

They say exercise is one of the best things. My doctor wants me to take calcium, magnesium, bcomplex, and evening primrose oil. I've also recently started using one of those light boxes.

Someone told me you can't be depressed and grateful at the same time, so I try to consider that.

Take it easy on yourself,
Idealsummerluv

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Sat, 12-11-2004 - 8:59am

Welcome, I have been in therapy with the same therapist since august 2002, not sure if I will "graduate" in 2005, or not, if not then, maybe the following year. I have been on Effexor for 2 years next month, and just to appease my own curiousity, I am going to try a decrease on it next month.

My therapist has taught me a lot, I have joined Alanon, made friends, tried to find some hobbies, and most times it works, then my feelings get boiled up, and like today the tears have been flowing, but for me to admit that, journal about it and share with dh, this is progress for me, so I do have hope about the future.

I figure I will always have some depression and anxiety ready to surface, if not on the surface, so I hope to learn to live with it also.

Stick around we are a nice and loving family, must better than most birth ones! Hugs, Josie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Sat, 12-11-2004 - 8:16pm

Welcome to the board! It sounds like you have successfully identified all of the things that are causing you problems. That is an important step. Knowing what is causing the stress is a step in the right direction.

The wellbutrin may help everything. I have heard that it is very energizing, so take it in the morning. At least, when I took it that is what I experienced. I am sooooo glad that you are trying to quit smoking, that is a fabulous step for your health. It is also important for your family's health.

You are here, that is also a step in the right direction. Post to others here: lots of busy moms here. You never know to whom you may make a connection to.

Welcome again.
Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa-)
Co-CL Depression Support

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
Sun, 12-12-2004 - 3:56am

HI Chrissy, My name is Sandy. When I read your post I thought I had written it. I've been depression all my life and i'm married with 3 kids and feel exactly the way you do. I'm 35 too. The only thing different is that I don't work outside my home. So I do go crazy on a daily basis with the kids. I thank God they go to school, well 2 of them at least.
I just can't believe how you feel so much the way I do. If you want to talk about it you can post here or you can email me at LivngDeadGrl2269@aol.com Hang in there, everyday is a challange but we can do it.

Sandy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 12-12-2004 - 8:41am

Hi just wanted to add my welcome.

The thing to remember about seeing a Therapist is it does take time.

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2004
Sun, 12-12-2004 - 11:25pm
Chrissy, I am a lot older than you, but can remember the feelings you described. Both my parents were chronic depressants. Throw that in with the Irish love of the drink and sometimes I wondered "is this all there is?" Maybe that is why I never much cared for the drink.
I met a wonderful counselor way back when. I was going though a divorce, moved 800 miles to get away from an abusive husband, had two kids, no family or child support and thought I would never get though it. Sundays were especially bad. Most Sundays were spent crying with kids wondering what was wrong.
Here is what I learned and God, I hope it helps you. First; depression is an emotion. And like all emotions, it will pass. Learn to ride it out. Realize that it will not last forever. You will go on to the next emotion (joy at watching a child's first step, a great reportcard from one of your kids, getting the stain out of your favorite shirt).
Second; look for what is good in your life. Healthy kids. A husband (if you have one) that loves you and works to support the family. Some quiet evening (and they are rare when you have kids) sit down and write all the good things in your life. Try to add something to that list every now and then. When you are depressed, read the list. And remember that depression passes. Let it die it's natural death, at least for that day.
Third: jump. I know that sounds stupid but jumping is an exercise. It can be done while you are brushing your teeth. But it burns energy and helps. My kids thought I had lost my mind and the neighbor downstairs was none too happy but I felt better.
Fourth: write down what you are depressed about. When you are feeling better, take a hard look at the list and decide what you can do about that situation. If it is money, make a better budget and stick to it. If it is bill collectors, turn the ringer off on your phone. If it is your parents, stay away from them until you can handle them. If it is your job, remember; IT IS ONLY A JOB. If it is your husband, well, it is illegal to kill him so ignore him.
Fifth; and last. Get yourself a network of friends that you can call at any hour to vent. It helps. Cry, scream or stomp your feet. GET MAD!!!! You cannot be depressed AND mad at the same time. Which is better for you?
Remember, there are lots of us out there and we survived. And we are always here for you to vent, any time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 12:28pm

Hi, I'm Mindy. I've been reading through this board and
was so happy to find your posting because it sounded the
most like what I'm going through. I'm 31 with 2 kids (4&5)and
realised just recently (!) that i've been depressed for most of
my life. The first time I encountered depression was around
9/10 yrs. old. Through my teen age years I was also vey
depressed off and on, but had a fiery spirit and also a desire
to have fun. I always thought I was "stronger" than my
depression and never immagined I'd be all grown up and feeling
worse than ever. I feel that that spirited part of me is gone
and don't know how to get it back, don't feel enthusiasm for
anything. I am functioning, as far as parenting goes, but wishing
I could feel joy in living and be able to give that to my children,
instead I find myself just going through the motions much of the time.
Am so discouraged because the depression is always
something I have to struggle with and is frustrating and exhausting.
In my case, it is quite frustrating, bec. at the same time I seem to
be declining, my husband is just thriving, things don't get him
down and he has tremendous energy, this has widened the clift between
us a bit.

I am going to try to see a therapist (again) maybe it helps this time.

Am also considering anti deps. but am receiving alot of negative
comments from friends and family abt. this.

I think the way our lives change when we become parents is important
to take into consideration, maybe we need to find alternate ways
to beat the blues, bec. the old ways are maybe not appropriate any more(?).
I know, for me anyway, I don't really have any new ways of dealing,
I just get locked into a pretty boring and stressful routine in taking
care of the household etc.maybe we could swap ideas of other ways to get
involved again. I think this board is a pretty good place to get started.
Good luck to you and keep posted.




Edited 12/13/2004 12:36 pm ET ET by mindy190