help is so far away

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
help is so far away
5
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 4:49pm

The only thing that was getting me through today was knowing that I had my tdoc appt tonight. I need to see her so bad...I think I'm falling apart. Then I looked at my appt. card, and realized I don't have an appt until tomorrow! And I have to leave work for it, so it's even going to be all stressful gettign there.

I thought I could make it until tonight, but tomorrow seems so far away. What now?!

--Beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 5:34pm

(((Beth))) Talk to us in the meantime. We are good at listening, if you hadn't noticed. *wink* I know that sometimes tomorrow might as well be a year away, but really it gets closer every minute.

Post to us any time you need to.

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa-)

Co-CL Depression Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
Mon, 12-13-2004 - 7:34pm

I think I'm going to give my notice at work tomorrow. I'll get a job somewhere less stressful. I can't take it anymore. I'm the office manager, and there's no end to the garbage (and volume of garbage) I have to deal with. and the compnay has no loyalty to anyone and is lacking any sort of conscience. Example - they just let someone go whose wife is in the hospital dying of cancer. And it's CHRISTMAS!!!

So even if I go to work bagging groceries, or something like that for a while, maybe I'll be able to handle things a bit better. Today the panic attacks just kept coming one after another. And my boss is very manipulative and has a way of making me feel terrible if I try to lessen my load even a bit. Heck, I usually come away from those talks with even MORE work! He's pretty slick about things, and I always always fall for it.

If only today were tomorrow. I need to see my tdoc.

Avatar for pup_2_luv
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 1:20pm

Hi there,
I know you wrote your note yesterday and will probably have been to see your Tdoc by the time you read this; but I wanted to let you know I understand how you feel.

I hate when I feel like I really need to talk to my Tdoc and the appointment is days away. I never know if I should call her or just *tough it out* which is a part of the reason I'm depressed and in therapy to begin with. I stuff my feelings and downplay my thoughts. I have never had anyone to share with before and now that I do; it seems like shes not available when I REALLY feel like I need her.

To make it worse, right now with the holidays coming, and everyone (except me) doing the "family thing"; my Tdoc is taking extra days off and her schedule got totally booked up so that I couldn't make an appointment for next week. AND she's taking the whole next week off. When she told me this, all I could say was "thanks for being there" she didnt even react or comment. I was sort of kidding when I said it, but that was how I really felt. I know its not her -fault- that there wasnt any appointments left and its not that she purposely shut me out; but now thinking back on it, I do feel kind of rejected. Fortunately my depression has been much better recently, so I can see not to get upset about this; but I am bummed about how long I have to wait between appointments just because of these dumb holidays.

Oh well, it's not a big deal and I wont let it won't ruin the next two weeks but it does bite, big time.
.....Sorry, I guess I needed to Vent a little.

I'm SO glad I am DOG BLESSED, wouldn't be alive without them.
pup luvR

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 3:57pm

Beth I send you hugs and prayers. The many days I tell myself I can't take it anymore, I sit and think of people who are good to me. Not many but their are a few. Know that we are here for you and are praying for you.

Take care,
Sandy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
Tue, 12-14-2004 - 9:16pm

Well, I made it to my tdoc today. She made an emergency appt for me to meet with a pdoc this afternoon, saying I couldn't wait until my next appt. for help.

My tdoc is the first one I've had (4 total) that I truly feel comfortable with. Most made me feel stupid. One flat out told me that I was making more out of my
SA than it really was. And all but this one made me feel like they had more important stuff to do. One kept me waiting 15-20 minutes while I listened to her heating up and eating her dinner in the back room. I felt so dumb being teh only one in the waiting room after everyone else had been called.

But now that I have a tdoc that I really connect with, I am petrified of losing her, and feel really dependent on her. I want to call her (never have) when I'm having a bad time, and really need the appointments. It's such a difference, and something I've never had before. I really feel like she takes a huge weight off of my shoulders me everytime we meet.

I hear what you're saying about the holidays. I can't wait for them to be out of here. I wouldn't miss them if htey never come. All it makes is for some sad memories and a lot of inconveniences driving, and YES it is SO much harder getting those tdoc and pdoc appointments that we need SO badly!!! There is nothing worse than KNOWING that you HAVE to see your TDOC and you can't, or your appt is SO far away you don't think you'll make it.

Gosh I love puppies. I wish I was somewhere that I could have one. I'd have a couple of boxers or westies. Right now all I have is a stuffed dog I named Penelope, but she's pretty cute too.

Hugs,
Beth