venting, not sure where else to go
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venting, not sure where else to go
| Wed, 12-15-2004 - 10:47am |
I don't know where else to post this. I am a new member here and going through soul searching of sorts. Let me give you some background. I am 27, a full-time student, graduating in May with my bachelors. I will be getting my degree in Marketing, this is good. I have everything set, including a good internship. All of this good. I am a mother to a great 6 year old who is in first grade. She's very smart and well-behaved. She is big into dancing. She is also a great part of my life. I have a somewhat normal relationship with my parents, seeing them (whom are divorced) on a regular basis. Now I'm also engaged to be married next year. I live with my fiance and my daughter. I thought I knew what I wanted but now I'm not sure. My fiance and I have been fighting and I've had some serious thoughts of leaving the relationship. It's not abusive or anything like that but we've started to veer in different directions and I'm also not sure that what I thought I wanted is what I want. We live in a rural area north of New Orleans (wonderful area, best area in the state) and I love it. But lately I've felt drawn to larger cities. Wondering, what if...New York...Houston....things I would not have considered in the past. We were also planning on having more kids after the wedding, and now I'm not sure that I want too. Well to put it bluntly, I don't think I want more kids. He wants kids big time, of his own, and I'm not sure he will understand. I am not sure that I want to start over and I'm starting to question his ability to be a good father. I also find myself what it would be like to be with other guys. Looking at a guy and saying wow he's a really good dad....why can't the fiance be more like him? So basically I'm wondering what the heck is going on with my life. This is really messing with my head. Oh and I'm also seriously trying to loss weight. It's been very hard. I mean I'm thinking about this constantly, it's fogging up my head. I'd take any advice that is out there. Like I said I'm not sure that it qualifies as depression but I'm seriously turned around in the head. Am I just reassessing things because of my impending graduation or a mini-mid-life crisis. Has anyone experienced anything similar? Thanks for all of the help.

I think you are smart to think hard about marriage. I think that the best way to start a marriage is with a lot of enthusiasm and certainly agreement about children. It is not fair to him to not tell him you are unsure you want more children. The fair thing to him may be to let him find someone who is ready for what he is ready for. It sounds a little like you want some more time to "seek your fortune" as a single person.
I don't think you are having a crisis. I think you have some real doubts about being ready for a marriage with kids. Marriage with kids is a lot of committment and work. It's not a fairy tale.
GOod luck. I'm sure you will work it out. What I do when I don't know what else to do is pray. I don't always like the answer but I always get one!! Also friends who are wiling to just listen are helpful.
T