depression effecting work
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| Thu, 12-16-2004 - 4:16pm |
I'm new here but hope someone can help. My depression is severly affecting my job& marragige..in fact it might be too late to salvage either.
I am 47 had a baby 2 years ago (DD is my miracle), should have been the best time of my life, but had bad post partum depression (has eased some but still not normal yet). My DH & I have been pulling apart ever since we had DD...so much work to do. I always feel like I do everything, I badger him all the time (he's 10 years youger than I and a great looking guy). I have gotten more & more jealous of his time & any time he spends apart from me. The worst part is I don't keep quiet about it I bitch at him.
At work, I am so tired of managing people & I can barely manage my life as it is. I know I am not working hard enough, but yet I am jealous of those people who get more attention than I do...But I know I don't deserve anything. I used to be a great manager but working full time (I am the primary breadwinner), raising a 2 year old, dealing with a demanding job is more than I can handle.
I am acting out in insidious ways, I find myself spreading gossip, not working hard enough, and yesterday was the worst. Long story, but I confronted a coworker about getting bonuses (which I obviously did not get) I asked if he had gotten one. I put him on the spot & ruined his day, cause he had to lie to me. He felt horrible, so he went to the boss and asked inoccently what to do...but of course & understandably, the boss was furious with me. so now my job is in jeopardy.
I have a problem where I always think everyone are getting something I am not. I don't trust people, even people I should love. I even feel like me DD doesn't love me. But truly I am unloveable the way I am. HELP. How do I fix it, how do I control my mouth, my thoughts & feelings of anger & self-centeredness. I am driving everyone away and ruining my life.
I know one option is antipresssants...but my DH is a scientologist and they don't believe in meds for Pysch conditions. In fact it would be grounds for divorce if I took a RX... homeopathic meds might be okay. Besides I hate the sexual side effects.
HELP HELP HELP
