Worried about relationship - help!
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| Sun, 12-19-2004 - 12:53am |
I've been feeling absolutely terrible lately, and I'm in sort of a difficult situation. I love my current boyfriend, but I've been sort of bored with him lately. I know that sounds terrible, but it's true. He's a good guy, and he treats me well, but I just feel like we don't connect on an intellectual level. I'm in my third year of college, and he didn't finish high school. I feel like we never have real conversations, and we definitely don't have many interests in common. I'm really into all kinds of writing - fiction, poetry, and creative non-fiction - and I also love to read. He doesn't write or read - he just plays video games and watches anime. I love movies, but I like old movies and psychological thrillers, while he just wants to watch martial arts movies all the time. It's just really frustrating to think that we don't have many interests in common.
But like I said, he does treat me really well. He's gentle with me, and I love the way he holds me and kisses me. I love the way he smells, and I love to snuggle up against him while he's asleep. I feel safe when I'm with him, and I know that he would never hurt me. Do you think that I can just overlook the fact that we don't have that many interests in common?

HI, I am no relationship expert but my dh and I that have been happily married for 19 and a half years, sometimes I wonder how much we have in common. I have a bachelor degree and a professional license, vs. he had some college classes but has a job you don't need them for. He likes more car type sports, and I am more into reading; I would love to follow and discuss politics, but he could care less. I sometimes go to church, and he doensn't go at all. I like all kinds of food and he has a handful of favorites and wants them over and over.
OK, on the positive side: he is my very best friend and ally and cheerleader. He holds me when I cry, and listens to my woes on my family and history of growing up with an alcoholic father. He cheerfully took me shopping for art supplies when I thought I might want to take up drawing for a hobby, or when I sit and color like a child, he is supportive of it all. Understands I am still in therapy and when we have to pay for it out of pocket as my insurance sometimes cuts me off, I never get one negative comment on it. I have gained a lot of weight since our wedding, but again he loves me for me, and I know he is always there for me. So I wouldn't trade him for any other man in the world, when the chips are down and I need love and affection, he is here for me 100%, BUT we all must decide for ourselves what is more important to us long term. I wish you luck in your future, take care, Josie.
I think I will start to sound like a broken record here LOL but your 20's are the hardest time of you life IMHO. (and my Therapist agrees)
In this case, you are noticing the different pace at which men and women mature and most likely over time things will change both with you and with your boyfriend.
*hugs
Thanks for the great advice! Hearing your story definitely helps me to feel better about my own relationship. I realize that I'm young and that I need to finish college and probably grad school before I settle down, but I do love my boyfriend, and I don't want to end the relationship over trivial things that may not really matter in the long run. He's just so accepting of me as a person, and I really appreciate that. He doesn't think that I'm "crazy" just because I'm depressed and taking Prozac. He understands that sometimes my medication makes me tired or sick. He tells me that I'm beautiful all the time, but he doesn't seem to just value me for being beautiful, because he also tells me things that he likes about my character or personality.
I guess that I'll just have to take things one day at a time and see what happens. I just try to remember that I'm young, and that I've had other boyfriends before that things haven't worked out with, and it's not the end of the world.
I think that you have an excellent point. I try not to get too serious about boyfriends because I am only 20, and I still have to finish my undergrad studies and maybe grad school before I can even think about settling down. At the same time, though, I do love him, and he is a good guy. I don't want to hurt him. I think that for the time being at least, I want to stay with him. He is very special to me. I do have friends who share my interests, so I should at least be grateful for that.
Thanks for the great advice - I definitely appreciate it! I hope that you are doing better. I read your post from the other day, and I felt so sad. I understand that you can't talk about the things that are bothering you, but just know that we are all here for you. *HUGS*
sounds alot like me and my ex in a lot of ways- it's not that you don't have things in common, it's that you aren't on the same page if that makes sense. like if one person likes old movies, the other should either be able to share that with them or else appreciate that about them. my ex was so sweet to me and i stayed with him even though we didn't have a lot in common. i just wanted someone to love me and hug me and be crazy about me. but in the end, it was more about him wanting to be with me that me wanting him back and little by little more things bothered me. don't know if this makes sense or relates-
just make sure that you care about HIM as a person- the parts of him- his likes, his quirks, not just that he likes you.