i'm so confused................

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
i'm so confused................
1
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 12:36pm
i feel like i'm on a rollercoaster and i can't get off, and its making me sick....i was very ill for about a week, my ms was raising hell with my body and i had some type of stomach bug on top of that, my daughter who is 15, took over the role of mom to help me to the best of her ability even stayed home from school one day because she was afraid to leave me, i knew this was not good for her and way too much responsibility on her shoulders and she isn't doing great in school besides, so i sought help from my ex who i had recently asked to leave....needless to say that didn't work well either...i was just turning the corner to recovery and beginning to feel my stregnth come back..the first night he was here it was great, i felt safe, and he helped with dinner and such and my daughter could go back to feeling a little more secure too, however the next morning i got up and started to putter some around the house while he remained in bed, i still felt very weak, but i prayed and kept pushing myself...he then started calling me from the bedroom to bring him a drink ect. i completely lost it and asked him to leave remembering why i had asked him to leave in the first place, he then told me how selfish i was and so on.....it seemed to have brought a new strength to me..Friday was my 42nd birthday and i spent the day alone and started feeling sorry for myself again my emotions were up and down all day one moment singing xmas carols the next crying my eyes red and swollen....i started missing my father so badly, he passed away this sept.....yesterday the same up one moment way down the next....i feel as if there is a volcano in me about to errupt.....there are so many difficult things going on in my life i could go on endlessly, however i watched a very inspirational movie the other day that i recommend to anyone who feels like this, called a vow to cherish...and the solution seemed so easy that it had that alost "too good to be true" ring to it, but in God's case i don't think that theoary applies (if its too good to be true its a scam) feeling so overwelmed i went back to basics and gave all my worries to God....i'm starting to see some positive results from this new faith, but for some reason that i totally don't understand i still feel as if there is this endless battle within myself...any other suggestions that i can try.......i want to be positive and be happy but at times i just cant no matter how hard i try........thanks for letting me rattle on and HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL--liz

mommadukesliz (liz)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 7:27am

Hi there,


This is no doubt the hardest time of year for someone battling depression. I think we are all going through it at different times and in different ways.


The thing to keep in mind is that all of this is about balance. No matter what you do you are not going to be happy ALL the time, but when you have your down moments you need to remember that they wont last.

*hugs