how quickly we fall
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| Sun, 12-19-2004 - 5:58pm |
i was so excited about the way things were going, but things started creeping up and here i am one foot into that dark hole. i am so glad you guys are here to talk to- i really need to get this out-
first of all, i feel like i am having a problem with people- especially guys. i know that i need to focus on myself and not care about being in a relationship, but it's like it is in my wiring because it has always been so important to me that i be with someone and that they care about me. i know i can trace the issues back and everything, but the point is that it hurts now. after my last boyfriend broke up with me, i feel so insecure about guys. i feel like they will stop liking me or leave me all of a sudden if i say or do something wrong. i was sort of dating someone- but he just got out of a relationship too and he is pushing me away now. i feel rejected and bad and i hate it. he told me he was thinking of going to mexico for new year's and he asked me to come. then he acted like he never said anything and is going without me. he got upset about some stuff that happened- long story- but made it into an issue and i told him i really wanted to talk to him about it and to call me last night and that it was important and he didn't. he told me when he got upset that he had put his guard up and he didn't want to get hurt again. i get it. move on, right? but why is it so hard? i really like him- i would like him to be in my life even if it was only as a friend but he is acting so weird now i can't even express that to him. i feel so unlovable and like i will never find someone i care about and have them want me back. how are so many people in this world married and i can't imagine someone ever wanting that with me? i hate it.
i feel like i am not even making sense right now, i just feel so sad and weird at the same time. i keep listening to everyone talking about their extravagent vacations, apartments, cars, presents, etc and i am tired of it. someone today telling me he is buying his parents a mercedes for christmas, everyone jetting off to south beach every few weeks or some exotic locale, and i can't even get a job that pays me above poverty level. why am i living among the incredibly rich again??? a guy i have been friends with for years offered me to fly me to his house in miami and let me drive his new ferrari convertable and take me shopping- guess what the undertones were of what he wanted in return. nice, huh? don't worry i didn't go. so the guy i like can go jetset without me too- because he probably offered that i could come for the same reason- not because he liked me. because i am some sort of rich guy's toy. yuck. how do some girls get guys that really care about them? and i get sleazy offers? ok, i am done complaining. i feel so bad right now i just don't even know how to put what hurts into words so i am just pulling out the things that are most on the surface. i need a hug- and not from a sleazy guy- from someone who cares about me! i want my mommy :) !

Consider this a long-distance hug, VG!
I'm sorry that you are feeling so unloved and rejected right now. I felt that way after my divorce. I dated a guy who was interested at first, then suddenly started dating his ex-girlfriend again. But he kept trying to get me to sleep with him. I felt terribly rejected. Not good enough to be his girlfriend, but he was stringing me along just enough to try to get me to give him what he wanted. I didn't sleep with him, but it left me feeling unimportant and rejected.
The reason they say that it's better not to date for awhile after a breakup is because you are so vulnerable. What goes on with the new person is so tainted by your pain from the past relationship. We often date someone because we are trying to get back our sense of worthiness and desirability. And the opposite happens because we put too much stock in a situation with someone we barely know.
I think that a lot of men are looking for a good time with no strings. You are a beautiful woman with emotional vulnerability, so you have to be on guard against that. You may meet more guys looking for that than looking for real love. That's part of why it's good to heal before dating again. I know it sounds like a lecture, but I'm telling you what I know from experience.
I'm sorry for what you are going through. I'm sure it's really hard living among the super rich. I'm working with the desperately poor, so I'm having the opposite problem. My clients don't have enough money to buy their kids food for the whole month. Most of them don't have cars, and southern California kind of requires a car. The mostly just rent a room in someone else's apartment and share it with one or two children, and maybe their mom as well. I wish I had the money to help all of them.
Money is crazy tight for me right now. I'm stressed. Meanwhile, my sister just bought a new house and is tearing it down so she can build a different house. That's my mean, nasty sister who married the rich guy. It's hard to see people with money to burn when you are just trying to cover the basics. Try to remember that the way that they live is not the norm for 95% of the people in this country.
Feel free to call me anytime.
All My Best,
MariaC
Hope my Hug counts because I care about you!
((((((((((((((((((((VG)))))))))))))))))))
*hugs
Hey there ,
I so know how you feel about money right now...I have zero dollars just enough to pay my bills each month other wise my bank account is useless to me to use for having fun every so often...
As for the men forget about htem at the moment I know how hard that is cause like me you need a man to make you feel validated I guess in some sort of way or at least that is how I view it for myself I do not accept me and my dad walked away from me didnt love me enough so when it comes to men not only do I look for someone to make me feel worth while but to also love me even for a moment...unlike me you have more pride in yourself I have none so I give in but I am happy to say I havent given in for 6 months now I am sad yet happy about it...You my dear are so much better than these men you have dated you will find the prince and I think you were the one who told me that you have to kiss a couple frogs before you find the prince these guys are frogs so try to not seat it...
and for you "friend" who offered to fly you out to florida is really no friend at all if he was your friend he would just want your company not other things sorry that he did that to you it sucks but in time it will all get better...
The guy that you have or are dating sounds like he has some issues that he needs to work on if he cant see how wonderful you are and want to be with you no matter what and for me personally I would not want to be with someone who isnt willing to give a little rather than take alot...for me I would just walk away from this person it sounds like he is the one that is helping to bring you back down and down isnt a good place to be I also know that the holidays really drain people of all there energy and make them feel down I know that it is true for me i hate christmas and the holiday season all together it just depresses me and makes me feel crappy...but that is just me..
The point that I am trying to make is try to not let this guy get to you he doesnt seem worth it you need to be with someone who loves and appreciates you for who you are who is understanding and caring and loving and wonderful tha tis what you need and you will find him but you need to get away from the frogs first and you will...
Please try to cheer up we are all tight with the cash flow right now things will get better for you all you have to do is believe.
Erin
Oh goodness! I feel like I could have written your post myself! I too live among the wealthy...I am SO NOT WEALTHY. That alone can be depressing...when you see people spending money like there's no tomorrow. I just keep in mind that I don't know what their personal life is like...sometimes they are more miserable than I am.
I too have this need/desire to be in a relationship. I see everyone around me happily involved with someone who loves them. Yet, the last guy I went out told me he liked spending time with me, he was extremely attracted to me but didn't see us developing into a deep relationship. What a load of stinking crap! It hurts when everyone around you is in a happy loving relationship and you are alone. I don't even have any friends here. I can't help but think...am I that horrible?? I too need to focus on me and not on being in a relationship. However, I feel that everyone has a "calling" in life and I honestly believe that mine is being a wife and mother. I have/had this personal deadline that I should be married by the time I'm 30...I will be 29 this year and I just feel like time is running out. I know that's probably not healthy...but I guess it's how I grew up. I come from a Mexican family...if you're not married by the time you're 24 then you are an old maid. Everytime someone gets married, I hear "When are you getting married?" or "You're train has passed...you're an old maid now"...
Anyhoo...sorry to delve into all of that...I just wanted you to know that you're not alone.
Oh sweetie, I can so relate to what you are saying.
How old are you? My guess, is quite young. There is a whole life ahead of you and plenty of people to meet. Take a deep breath, don't focus so much on the every day freaks out there, which are plenty, and enjoy life. You will more than likely meet at least 10 people in your lifetime to marry, but that doesn't mean you should.
Paul
To learn more about me.
http://www.geocities.com/iampaulnew