My heart is breaking

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
My heart is breaking
6
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 3:00pm
Hi, I'm new here. I don't really know what this will accomplish but I just have to speak this "out loud" because there isn't anyone else I can tell and it's killing me. So thank you for providing this opportunity.
I said goodbye today to a man I've known for a couple of years and really care about. Not because I wanted to but because I know he did and is too nice to say it. I kept it pretty light so that he wouldn't have to feel bad or guilty about it at all.
I've been really taking a hit from my depression lately and this is making it unbearable right now. My heart really does feel like it's breaking. It literally hurts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 6:45pm

Welcome to the board! I understand that hurt...I have been there. I know that breaking up is a difficult process even if you know things are winding down.

There are many great boards here:
Breaking up is hard to do:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlbreaking

Mending broken hearts:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlmendingbro

Post here, and tell us about anything you need to. Vent and "yell" all you want. We are here for you. Here you will find unconditional caring and kindness.

Post to someone, it may make you feel better... you never know.

Welcome again!
Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa-)

Co-CL Depression Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 8:55pm

Thank you for your kind words. I wish I could yell but I just spent 1/2 hour in the shower crying and crying. I'm waiting for that numb feeling I eventually get when I can't cry or take it anymore-that feeling of not caring about anything at all. It's easier that way. Sometimes I wish it could always be that way. Take care and again, thank you, I probably will post some.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 9:02pm
Wow! You must have really cared about this person to let him go when you didn't want to. You are a very strong person to have done this, so I know you are strong enough to get through it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 7:49am
Thank you. I don't feel like a very strong person right now but I'll try to remember what you said anyway because I like your thinking better. :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2004
Wed, 12-22-2004 - 5:48pm

Dear Whiter,

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm hurting too over I breakup I initiated. It was emotinally abusive, and I was tired of hurting. Worse, I still have to live with him for a while because we have an apartment lease together.

The thing that in a weird way helps me are the crying scenes in "Something's Gotta Give". Diane Keaton is heartbroken for days and weeks. She cries in bed. She cries in the shower. Eating, listening to music. She cries untill she can't cry anymore, then laughs and cries more. I won't give away the movie if you haven't seen it (rent it) but it encourages me because I feel I'm too old at 32 to cry or be emotional. That I should be strong. But crying is very organic and real. We need to cry, to release our pain. So now I give into it moreso, no matter who stupid I feel. Today I went to the supermarket, and I was feeling so low. Two strangers cheered me up; one told me I was cute (an old but well intentioned man) and one wish me Merry Christmas. I don't have anybody to celebrate the holidays with, so I was really touched. And I started crying in public. I was standing at a bus stop, but it just came out! I turned away from the other man that was standing at the bus stop, and just let it flow a little. I'm learning for myself it's okay to be vunerable. Hope this helps. Keep in touch. We're all here to help each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 9:27pm

I'm sorry you're in such pain. It sounds like you did the right thing though if he's abusive in any way. It's just too bad you're stuck in that apartment with him though.You might need to carve out your own private space there such as fixing up a room just for yourself so that you can "escape" when you need to. I've been in a situation where I had to do that and it helped.

Yes your story did help. I remember now that scene in the movie and I can relate but unfortunately I have two kids so I feel I can't just let myself go like that, as much as I would like to.

I hope your Christmas was a good one in spite of the loneliness. I really am sorry for your pain and I hope things get better for you soon.