Having a bad week - Triggers
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| Tue, 12-21-2004 - 6:38am |
The past week I feel like I am going insane. Literally. I hate this feeling of just wanting to cry for absolutely NO REASON!! I hate feeling crazy. I hate feeling unhappy when I have every reason to be happy. I have a great job, a healthy and happy son, I can manage to pay my bills, and I have a family who loves me. But I feel so ungrateful because I'm still unhappy!!! I try to pray, but I just feel like there's no point. I want to cry, but sometimes I refuse...it won't make me feel happier to cry. I keep telling my sister that I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown sometimes. Or I feel like if I start crying that I won't be able to stop. There's a stone in the pit of my stomach that needs to come out but it's to scary to let it out...I might go crazier than I already am. Maybe I just need to be locked up in some sort of padded room and left alone for a few years. God...am I crazy? Am I going crazy? Or does it just feel like it. I hate watching movies because sometimes that sets me off on these deep depression episodes. This one is from Shrek 2...yes...Shrek 2...I keep thinking "Look..she's a <> ogre and someone loves her for who she is. She found someone to love her. Am I worse than a <> ogre? Am I more hideous and grotesque than that??" Yes, I know it's not rational...yes, I know it's a friggin' cartoon...but that's how I feel.
I JUST WANT TO BE SANE!!! Is that too much to ask? Even the Paxil seems not to be working like it used to. *sigh* Thanks for letting me vent.

We can all relate to that feeling, I think.