Help...my obsession is keeping me down
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| Tue, 12-21-2004 - 5:16pm |
Hi Everyone,
Whatever advice anyone could offer would help at this point. Im 20 years old and since I broke up with my first serious boyfriend (which was nearly 5 years ago), I've been having a recurrent depression. I have dated plenty and i don't have problems finding a guy but i still miss my ex. We were 3 years together and I loved him to death but he was too childish (eventhough he was nearly 4 years older than me) and he's way of being was just too much. He didn't dedicate to me the time I deserved, he was just interested in going out with his friends to play basketball and fishing. Plus we both have very dominant characters and it was hard to get along. Now back then I understood that we both needed to grow and that we would just not going to work, and the way we were treating eachother was just destructive so I broke it off.
To make sure I wouldn't go back on that decision I started going out with a friend, something that was jsut not too smart beacuse I hurt my ex and friend. Well my ex has not wanted to talk to me since then. Four months after we broke up he found someone, and I know he did it cuz he didn't want to be alone and wanted to forget me. Well he has stayed with her and I think that he is happy because she is more submissive in character but I don't think he is in love. I have seen him because at times I still pick up mail that comes to his house. The times that we have seen eachother his eyes and mine just lock and I get this sensation that there is still something there. He has not wanted to keep in touch because according to his mother his girlfriend is very jealous.
Im currently in a relationship but I can't get him out of my head, I have dreams about him and just seeing his face again makes me want to stay in that dream stage. I most think about him every day of the year but there are only certain times of the year in which it actually starts affecting me and the relationship im on. I get depressed and all I want to do is remember and think about him. I also get upset at anyone that interrupts that. Im I obsessed? Is there anything I could do to deal with this? My ex will not return my emails and will not contact me, he is still hurt or is still upset with me I can't talk about this with him. What can I do?

Hey there, welcome to our board.
First of all, it takes an amazingly strong person to break off a relationship the way that you did, so good for you on that! As far as not getting over it..honey, it's been five years. That means there is a serious problem and you need to seek some help for it. My husband went through something similar that he is only now even admitting was a problem and it has caused massive damage to our relationship. Please, see someone about this, it would really help. *hugs* Samantha
Welcome to the board...
I agree with Samantha on the 5 years thing..I alsop agree that you have a problem with getting over him and it does seem like a serious one at that and I also think that you should get help for it cause it is controlling your life.
As far as him not speaking with you returning emails ect...I dont want to sound mean or anything like that but it sounds as if he is over you and not hurt after all it has been 5 years he seems to have moved on and I suggest that you try to do the same....
like I said I am not trying to sound mean or anything like that but I know from my own eecperiance that having an obsession with someone is never a good thing it makes you feel crazy and to quote a book cover that I saw the guy "is just not that into you" I live by that now if someone doesnt return wha tI feel I just tell myself that he isnt into me and I will find someone that is.
Why dont you go to the post office and put in a change of address form that way you do not need to go to his house to pick up mail? that way you can move on and away from him cause until you can actually do that you will never get over this and you will continue to obsess over this man.
I wish you the best of luck with this I know what it is like to be where you are now.
Erin