I'm just feeling hopeless...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
I'm just feeling hopeless...
2
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 5:40pm

Hi,

I'm feeling hopeless because I can't seem to do anything right, and I can't seem to focus at work. I'm working for a family friend and the job requires you to be almost perfect, b/c you can't make mistakes. Anyway, I've been working there since August, and it just seems like that I have been walking on egg shells. He is really tough to work for, and he believes in "yelling" at the worker to get them to understand. I don't, and everytime he does it, he says, I prove my point again. He also has called me a "dummy" a number of occasions now, and he tells me that it's not at me, but at the work that I have done. Apparently this is the way that he was taught, so he figures that it is the right way to treat someone as an employee. So, lately, I get teary eyed, and he doesn't like that either. Lately, it's been once a week. I make mistakes and apparently, I wasn't focusing/concentrating, and so there is something wrong with me. He would say, "what's wrong with you????" Talking to him, well, I given up, because no matter what I say in the end, he is apparently always right. He says that he is very direct towards people, and tells them the way it is, the truth. Well, I guess I am a dummy. I'm also not organized, and reliable. There are days where I just want to do "something" but won't, but I get frustrated. He is also very manipulative too.
One day we were talking, I guess him as a "family friend" and I ended up teliing him that I have depression and so forth. Anyway, he stills treats me the way he does as an employee. I had a couselling appointment in November(before I told him about the depression) and told him that I won't be going in to work, because I have an appointment to go to. He asked if it was medical, and he thought that I would only be half hour or less, and, but I told him that it was personal. Anyway, I ended up cancelling, figured that it would be worthwhile to work instead, but I regret it now, because I had a horrible day. He also started to make fun of me regarding counselling, and making up jokes by saying, "yup, you need counselling for this...." and so on.

Anyway, I have to go in tomorrow, and I don't know what kind of day it is going to be. I'm only there Part Time, and there is no one I could go above him. Basically he is doing me a favour, because he knows that I needed to get a job. THis is not permanent, but it's a matter how long I could take this, and a matter of getting a better job. I don't have motivation when I go there, and try to think of being a better day. I try to be focused and try to concentrate, and then all of a sudden, BOOM, a mistake. That is one of the frustrating parts of it. Asking questions is like, I'm stupid, because on some things, I can't ask questions anymore, even if I just by accidently forgot how to do it, like having a "relapse" for a second, he would get mad by saying that "you should know how to do this, you been doing it a lot lately or for a long time".
I really don't know how to cope anymore, and why can't I stop get a teary eyed???? He wants someone strong and able to take it. Looks like I'm a weakling and a dummy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 7:13pm
I'm sorry about what you're going through right now! Honestly, no one deserves to be treated like that! I would never treat my employees that way! It's one thing to expect a job to be done well and another thing to berate an employee for making mistakes. Is there no other job that you could do? Could you go to an employment agency? Are you looking for another job? The best time to find work is when you already have a job. You shouldn't have to put up with anyone calling you a dummy...family friend or not. I am 100% positive he has made his share of mistakes as well. Hang tough! Look for a different job...no job is worth that kind of stress...I speak from experience.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 10:46pm

((((Giggles))) Welcome to the board. You are dealing with a difficult situation. Try and repeat to yourself that this is temporary. You have every right to get counseling. Making fun of your counseling borders on harassment, and it borders on something that can get people fired. This man is not allowed to have bias like this.

Some people feel like we depressed folk are weak, but really we are the survivors of all. We are tougher than most people would expect. But some people as you say want to manipulate folks. Don't give him any control. You know you are doing the right thing, get help.

And keep repeating to yourself: "It is only temporary."

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Lisa-)
Co-CL Depression Support