feeling guilty about wanting to meds
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feeling guilty about wanting to meds
| Wed, 12-22-2004 - 10:46am |
i know i need something but i feel like such a failure. that i am weak for needing something when everyone else can seem to cope. how do you all feel about takings meds? i don't know anyone personally who is taking them so i have no one to confide in and people just don't understand if they haven't been through it themselves. i have no family that is near me and the neighbors are nice but don't get it. i think because of the depression it as been hard for me make TRUE FRIENDS...please advise....i know that if i go back on meds my hubby will think i am a freak, that i am weak! and the thought of having to go on meds forever scares me! please advise!!!!!

Meds Forever! I am so scared of that! But there are things I am more scared about. Like my daughter seeing depression eat away at me. I take meds and they have helped me for the past two or so years. Recently they had to up the dosages to get me through the holiday. I have come to terms that Effexor and Geodon are my insulin. Just as the diabetic needs insulin to live a productive life I need these chemicals to help me. It's all about brain chemicals. That's how the meds work. That's also how depression works. Depression is caused by the balance of brain chemicals being "off". Now they don't know how this happens if it is genetic or caused by outside stimuli. But now they know that there are chemicals they can treat this with. Every med is a little different and that's why doctors have to try you on different ones to get a match. One day there will be more sensitive test that will know exactly what chemicals you are lacking and what med you need. Right now it's tial and error. It isn't the diabetics fault that they take insulin. It is in their chemical makeup. It isn't anyone's "fault" that they take meds for depression. It too, is chemical makeup. If you have tried everything to come out of your depression and the natural remedies aren't working then a med might help you.
Hubby should be supportive of you and maybe you could ask him what bothers him about taking meds. Explain to him that chemicals cause this. I am fortunate that my hubby has seen the difference meds can make and even helps me to remember taking them. He didn't want me to take meds in the beginning either mostly because I was able to work through depression in the past. But I had a major breakdown after I hit my 30's and I wasn't able to bounce back.
Meds forever. I am still scared of that. But I know to have any quality of life it is a positive CHOICE I must make.
Good luck to you italiangirly. This board supports those on meds and those that live med free. It is a good place to come and vent. It is like a good friend that's fingertips away. Whatever your decision about meds this is a place you can share.
Sincerely,
Julie
Julie
cl-jukie33 DID/MPD
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Hi,
I've been taking Effexor for 1 week now. I have the same worries as you but I do believe that taking the meds will help me get out of that dark hole I'm in. I'm 38, 4 girls, hubby and this is my 3rd or fourth depression... It has been hard for me too to accept that I'm not perfect. But I've been learning - from this board - that it's ok and it does not reflect who I really am. My chemicals went on holiday without me! lol Look at this place as your support group, I do and it helps me when I'm down. And do not worry about your daughter. I told my 13yr old what was happening to me and that I was taking steps to getting better. Remember that not knowing will make them more worried about what is happening. My daughter actually thanked me for letting her in on it. She was relieved that it was not more serious. Trust your kids, they love you. As for hubby, well mine eventhough I've been down this road before (him too) it still takes my DR to explain to him what depression is and how to make it better. I've also realized that it is very hard for hubbies to deal with us like that. Hubby explained to me that he sees me as his rock, you know holding down the fort, and to see me like this is hard on him. He admitted to me that he is scared of loosing me to this depression. And sometimes he just doesn't know how to talk to me or make me feel better. Meds are ok, we do alot as women, mothers, wives. You are not weak, I am not weak, none of us are, even if it feels like that sometimes. Hang in there and write back whenever. Good luck
Nicole