a slump????
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a slump????
| Wed, 12-22-2004 - 5:29pm |
I am SO full of anger and rage and resentment and self-pity and self-hatred and anything else you can think of. Negative thinking, huh? The good news is that I emailed my mom and told her I was depressed so it wouldn't be a big surprise when i go to spend Christmas with her, and I also warned her that if i couldn't find someone to feed my cats on Christmas Day (I've been asking everyone!) that I may have to go home that night instead of staying until Sunday. Which would be OK with me, but...well, I don't even want to go there ( how my depression and not finding someone to feed the cats will ruin the weekend - I know how she thinks). Then to top it off, my sponsor sends me an email by Melody Beatti called "Surviving Slumps." Now, I love Melody Beatti and have most of her books, and even related to what she (Melody) had to say, but this is my sponsor's take on my depression - it's a slump. Which means once again she is trivializing it, and I know it is because she doesn't understand it, she's never had a significant depressive episode, and has said so herself, but just one more thing to add to my list of resentments. Instead of first thinking "how nice, she found a passage that may relate to what i'm going through!" i start bawling my eyes out (still am in fact), then getting angry, then finally realizing her motivations are good. If this is a SLUMP, then it is really kicking my butt, and it better be over by the time I go back to work on Monday! I know I am filled with negativitiy - I'm just so tired of this up and down and up and down and people telling me to get over it. I know that what they think is none of my business, but it still hurts.
peace and love,
just_a_big_kid
Sue

So sorry Sue, and I still wonder if you shouldn't try and find a different or another sponsor, even if this isn't your first one, aren't they suppose to help us, maybe challenge us-yes, but if she is doing more harm than good, that can't be good for you.
Again, not being bipolar, I can't totally understand it, but I do go up and down in how I feel with stress and life and whatnot. I am back to being so tired during the day, but I did go from 2 iron pills for my anemia, down to one, and doing a slight tapering off the prednisone, so not sure if that is a factor or not.
Know that I care, and I am here for you, sending you a big hug and much love, Josie.
Sue,
I really think your sponsor is trying to help you in her own limited way. I think your sponsor obviously cares a great deal for you.
I am wondering if you are self isolating. Do you ever go out with pals? (like to the movies, etc.) Are you dating at all? (I know that your life partner's suicide was devastating but perhaps in time you can form another permanent bond.) Are you getting any exercise? Are you eating right?
I so understand abandonment issues. My mother had a life threatening illness when I was a small child and I was separated from her for several months. (hospital) My grandmother died within that same year. I still carry around abandonment issues thirty years later. All I can say is that life is very, very difficult at times. I wish I had an easy solution but know that I understand what you are going through and am very supportive of you. Please don't be so hard on yourself.
S.
Hi Sue,
I think perhaps I agree with Selena on this one. It could be your sponsor was just trying to help. I agree its soo hard when people think depression is just something you can "get over" but the fact that she cares enough to try and find some way to help says alot.
Hope your day today is better and your Holidays are Happy ones
Many *Hugs of Understanding!
*hugs
*hugs
Dear Sue,
I am sorry to hear that you haven't got anyone who seems to understand what you are going through. I am glad, though, that you are going to see your mother for Christmas, so that you won't be alone. I'm not sure how long you're going for, but I've left my cat for the weekend with lots of food, so do you really need someone to feed them? I've also seen in the pet store some kind of automatic feeder and waterer (is that a word?!), but I haven't taken a close look at it. If you want to come back anyway, then it probably suits you to have to, but if you don't you might want to look into these things.
As for your sponsor, that is a difficult situation. I agree that she is trying to help, if ham-handedly. I think you have a few choices: (1)find a new sponsor, as Josie suggested, (2) accept her "help" for what it is, or (3) tell her that you do not wish to discuss your emotional/psychological issues with her, as you feel that it is better to discuss them with a professional. If you find that her presence in your life is more detrimental than helpful, then it's time to move on. You don't want her driving you to drink, after all!
I hope you find a solution to this problem soon,
Nicola
Hi Sue!
Thanks everyone for your replies.
As far as the kitties go (because they are the most important, at least in their eyes - LOL), I am OK with coming home Saturday night, I spent last weekend with my mom so it' not like I haven't seen her for ages, and it gives
peace and love,
just_a_big_kid