why am i here!!!
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 12-23-2004 - 1:05pm |
why am i here? i keep motivated like forget my parents and forget that whole thing but then theres things in life i think are importnt for survival, food, sleep, and what else nothing but we're built on emotions i mean is it important to see parents and family? i have my life kinda mapped like a focus point so i dnt kill myself at nite i get panicky and scared as to why though?? why does it have to be this way or that? am i alone? i feel it...completely...i have a man who adores me..will he leave me one day? then what? neither of my parents speak to me? do i re-map my life my emotions and teach myself another form of survival..ignore the 20yrs of whats been taught to me and start over??
i dnt knw!! i wana run away to a different city and start all over but then what about my man? but what if he leaves??/ i have no idea..im alone, ill die alone..wish id die sumhow..

Hi Sami...Honey, you're not alone...I'm not sure what's going on with you right now, but you sound absolutely terrified.
Hi sweetie.
Hi again!!
Here is a link to the Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings Board if you would like to visit there!!
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhsuicidesur
Please take care sweetie!
Pamela
You Cannot Control the Wind
But you can Adjust your Sails
Co-cl Compulsive Overeating Board
hi
thanks once again for ur support..wish i could offer u guys sum too. i dnt wish for death at the moment i cnt call no helplines cos my sister is here for xmas.. and i have exams in january. i feel confused and the feeling goes and comes its odd..i suppose at the end of the day i shud go with the flow and in regards to why im here? well wen i die ill knw i suppose, what the purpose of MY life was.
i dnt wana take medication i wana be normal and happy forget the painful, abusive past..
thanks everyone,
pls pray for me im really hurtin
Hon, I am on meds and they really aren't that bad.
(((Sami)))
Hi again.
hi kathy,
thanks for ur advice. i have started a journal, well its more like a book full of positive thinking...when i feel down i look at it and it becomes better. ive spent the xmas period alone at uni and im soo down, jst sat in my rm for over a wk, so my bf is coming to pick me up later today so ill spend a few days with him and then ill go see my dad and listen to his abuse for a few days..ill try and get on with my work too though, even though he's gna bring up the past and make me cry. then my mum shud b back frm london and ill stay with her for a week or two, and i dnt knw if she's talkin to me, havent spoke to her in ages.
they all think(my relatives) im some sort of rebellious loose girl cos i havent come home for the holidays and theyve been really off with me, but the truth is i cnt concentrate with all the tension my parents have with me..i cry too much and dnt get anything done.
i feel kinda numb right now find it hard to do my work..i sleep at ridiculous times and dnt wake up til 2pm in the afternoon and then can hardly do any work for my exmas...its very stressful..how do i start to take control of this aspect? u knw sleeping at a reasonable time and functioning in the morning? cos my pattern is messed up?!
and i am going to see the doctor asap for the anti-depressents
thanks for all ur help
sami
xxx n merry xmas