second post/him (triggers)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2004
second post/him (triggers)
2
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 4:19pm

Do you know what it is to love someone who's imcapable of loving you back? That's what I've suffered through. It was a whirlwind romance. He swept me off my feet. He seemed like such a true GENTLE MAN. It didn't reconcile with the person I got to know. I don't want to go into all the dramatic details, but to list the craziness:

1. He lied about his marital status. He plainly stated he was divorced on the dating service. He's not divorced, only separated for almost 5 years . A month later I found out the truth. His excuses was that he wasn't holding on to prospects telling them the truth, so he lied. That he was advised to lie (?). I broke up with him for that and other lies, but he begged me in tears to give him another chance. Plus, I was (I admit now) desperate to be loved. And we had plans in the works. He promised to follow through on the divorce in reasonable amount of time.

2. We moved to another city, I gave up my own apartment to move, but he said he was all for it. As soon as he got here, he pulled away, fell into a depression that lasted all summer, we stayed in a hotel for a month, then I found us an apartment, signed a 12 month lease, then DAYS after we moved in, he started whining about wanting to leave me stranded in this new city, he missed his family, kids , never lived anywhere else, "I have a right to be happy, why should I stay, I want to leave,I want to leave..." I begged and pleaded in tears, dealt with his suicidal tendencies, found out he attempted suicide twice, took him to counceling, got him to a low-cost Dr. that gave him samples of meds so he wouldn't have to pay. Just as the meds where kickin in good (six weeks) he stopped the meds cold turkey, cause, he just didn't want to take them anymore. He said he was feeling better (DUH!!!!!), he didn't need them anymore. Of course since he stopped cold turkey, his moods swung wildly,

3. He would fly into fits of rage, terrorizing me, saying I deserved to feel bad because I'm so controlling of him, if I would/had just left him alone, I wouldn't have brought his fury upon myself. At this point he was ignoring me, and I was miserable, and needed attention, needed to get us back to where we started.

4. Al through this, I broke up and made up with him too many times to count. But living with him, not wanting the hassel of moving, loving him, I tried, poured myself out to make it work. I see clearly we aren't compatible, he has demons I can't expel, gotta take care of me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 5:46pm

You are definately right hun, You gotta take care of YOU!


I'm glad you are getting out of this situation and from the sounds of it, dont look back no matter how hard he pleads.


As I tell my son, for me Lying is the worst thing anyone can do to me. Because that breaks a trust and Trust once gone is the hardest thing in the world to regain. So

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 5:52pm

possible triggers


you are right, you need to take care of yourself first. i was in an 8 year relationship with a woman who was addicted to pain meds and bipolar, and was never honest with her pdocs and tdocs about what was really going on with her. and i was such an enabler. now i understand that by trying to save her, i was just prolonging a bottom that she may have needed to want to get help. but of course i stayed because i loved her, and i know she loved me, but was so sick, our life together was horrible the last few months, and after all my attempts to help her, she took her own life. that was 5 years ago - this is really a hard time for me - the anniversary of her death is january 11th. i don't know if i would have done anything differently, but i am certainly going to put myself first otherwise i'm no good to anyone anyway. and even though i find it hard to believe, especially now in the midst of my own depression, i am worth it.


so, just my humble opinion, but i think your instincts were right to move on. but i know it doesn't make if any easier.

peace and love,


just_a_big_kid


Sue

peace and love,

just_a_big_kid