lost my mom...what now.?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
lost my mom...what now.?
4
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 3:14am

hi, and thankyou to any and all help i may recieve, my mother was dealing with terminal cancer for 6 months the chemo was very hard on her and all of us around her, we gave each other strength and courage to stay positive and focus on things one day at a time. We all had hope for her she was a very strong positive mother who did not want to give up and fought every minute of her life with this cancer. on october the 27th she recieved a call from her doctor who seemed very excited at the time, telling my mother that all the persistance and praying and positive has turned her way, he was so happy to tell her that after her last chemo they did some testing and found that the cancer has shrunk by 80%. WE were so happy for her and us, she told us that she was happy that she was given this chance to live for 5-7 years, i know that does not seem long to alot of people but to us it was a lifetime of living with little fear, and most important spending more time with our mom......... what more could we have asked for..................

ON friday the 29th, MY sister called, our mother stopped breathing and was taking to hospital she died upon arrival, me and my sisters stood there in shock, she is not gone we got the ok, she has 5-7 years to live, what was going on, my father stood there with no emotion, then we looked at each other and burst into tears.... our beloved mom is gone, we had to see for ourselves................ the problem was she had heart disease and the doctors has been spending so much time with the cancer and treating it, they did not have any clue of her heart disease.............. my problem is. i cant sleep i cant sit and not think of her, her love for us, how she looked, i dont know what im supposed to do....... i cry every night, i dont know how to move on, i have never had any personal close relative die before, what is right, everything i do i question it, im angry, upset and not sure if im loosing my mind at times.......... i find my focus wandering at times, i have spoken to my doctor and she said i need to grief, isnt that what im doing, i told her im crying and not sleeping well, no energy at all, my mom died young she was only 58 and now me and my sisters find it hard to talk about her because we end up just crying the whole time instead of talking, more so with it being the first christmas without her, my question is why do i feel that people tell me that there is no right or wrong way to grief. is there?...........please help me figure out what i should do..........any help would be gratefull, and thankyou for taking this time to read my letter..........
god bless...........

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 5:47am

((MaryJayne32))

Let me first off say that I am deeply sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose my mother. I don't have many suggestions for you. Are you a religious person? Have you tried talking to a priest/reverend about what you're going through? If you're Catholic, they may try to give you the "annointing of the sick"...my sister went through a terrible breakup once and was not doing well mentally and they gave her that sacrament. Anyhow, you might try going to a therapist...painting...journaling...maybe participating in a cancer fundraising walk/marathon. Just some suggestions. I will keep you in my prayers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 10:07am
I am so sorry for your loss..
I wish that I had some magical words to say to you but all I can say is stay strong greive as much as you need cry as much as you need do what you need to do to survive your loss.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Erin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 10:49am

Im sooo very sorry for your loss Maryjayne


There is no time line for grief and we must each work through our losses in our own way.

*hugs             

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 10:57am

(((((Maryjayne))))), our stories are almost alike -- my mother was 59 when she died of lung cancer.