Recognizing the cause of depression
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| Tue, 12-28-2004 - 2:53pm |
Hi folks, I posted here before. I've been through counseling and learned that I have to *feel* the feelings that I have, they have been brought into my consiousness. The Therapist asked me if there was anyone in my life who FORCED me to do things I didn't want to do. She asked me about my relationship with my mom. She asked if there was anything that my mom had forced me to do and how she would react if I disagreed with her. The therapy helped me to realize that my reaction to my mom's reaction was the cause of the depression. For example: If my mom told me to do something that I didn't feel was right and I said I don't want to do it, then she would get upset and say "You see, that's why I'll NEVER ask you to do anything for me. (Her reaction)(Guilt trip). Then I'd feel really guilty and give in (my reaction). She never asked me how I felt about something it was "her way or the highway". If I hadn't gone into therapy I would still be in fear of my mom's reaction. This also played into my everyday life because FEAR was the big issue in my life. Fear of taking chances. She really did a good job of crippling me emotionally, brainwashing me into thinking that I couldn't do things myself or make the right decisions for my life. I am looking to get my own place so I can be out of my mom's roof. I'm 32 years old and FINALLY on the path to healing. This will be the first time out of my mom's house and on my own, I'm scared but i know it's something that I *HAVE* to do for my own emotional well being.
Thanks for listening

Hi and Welcome!
Sounds like you and your Therapist have worked hard and you are on your way to finding YOU! I didnt do what you are doing till I was over 40 so you are doing great!
Look forward to having you here at the board, let us know how it goes.
*hugs
*hugs
That is so true. My mom is visiting right now for 2 weeks (help!) and I have figured my one issue out.
I have always cared what others think of me, am i liked by everyone, do i measure up, etc.
A few days ago my mom, myself, and my 2 year old daughter went to the store. We just needed to get a lunch box for DD for her new daycare that I knew there was only one left of (practically the only one in town since it's not the start of school). My daughter wanted to get in one of those shopping carts that has the extra seats for kids. I told her 'no we don't need a basket.' She threw a fit. I had to literally carry her in the store throwing a fit. Normally, I would have gone back to the car, had a discussion with her and hopefully she would change and we can go back in the store. But I was with my mom and I needed to get this darn lunchbox. I tried talking to her but she just whined. My mom was telling her 'look at all these people looking at you and thinking what an ugly little girl you are being.' The comment bothered me, but I held my tongue as I always do when my mom disciplines my daughter. I got what I needed and we left the store with her still whining.
Later that night I was taking a much needed bubble bath and it was like a light bulb went off. I wonder how many times my mom made a comment like that to me growing up. No wonder I care what people think of me!
I also recall a time when my mom joined a parent group at high school where they put together the after graduation celebration party. On my way to dropping me off to work one day my mom said "all the parents were talking about their kids and how they are in advanced honors classes and when they asked me what classes you were taking I had to tell them you are in the basic classes." Now how's that for making your daughter feel like crap. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember going to work and crying and calling my friend.
I had to mention this because it really is something I just realized in the past few days and is one main reason I am going to write in new journal.
Stacey
Wow! I think your post just gave me great insight! It felt like a "lightbulb" moment. Hmm..something to think about. Thanks for sharing!
Maggie