another newbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
another newbie
2
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 5:21pm

Well I've been replying to everyone today and thought I should introduce myself. My name is Stacey. I'm 27 years old, married and have a toddler My mood has been up and down quite a bit lately. I would say I've had mild depression off/on for the past 12 years. Years ago the depression was more from not fitting in, never having a date, no motivation. These days I'm down because the stress from being a mother, the weight I gained during my pregnancy 3 years ago (I used to be a size 6/8 now a 14), trying to figure out who I am. I'm starting to read a new book (Optimal Thinking) about bettering myself that I think will help and I am also going to start journaling.

I've experienced a low self-esteem for as long as I could remember. Mainly feeling like I don't measure up to others in looks, career, education, financialy. As far as my looks...it ALL has to do with weight gain. Before I had my daughter I felt awesome...was in great shape, face was thinner, etc. I always worked out, but never had to actually lose weight. Career wise I feel that because of the last 2 jobs I've held I haven't increased my skills and feel that I have not gained anything. I work for a good place right now and will stay here until we move back to our hometown sometime this year. In the past I've worked places that made me have more confidence in what I can bring to a company and I'm just not feeling that here. Education..it seems like everyone I meet that is my age, younger, older..all have degrees (everyone in my office have their masters). I've been going to college on/off the last 10 years and I really struggle with it. Last semester I was under an extreme amount of stress. Financially...hubby and I make very good money, but we have quite a bit of credit card debt we are paying off and it just seems like it will never end.

In 2002, I dealt with the illness and death of my grandmother and stepfather (whom I was very close to). In 2003 I was on prozac for about 6 months to help cope. I felt that it made me feel 'normal' but didn't help any in the process of grieving. These days I am very emotional. I've been having a hard time with my almost 3 year old listening to me. Yesterday she threw a tantrum while getting ready for daycare and it really put me in a sour mood all day. This morning was a repeat that ended with hubby dealing with her and me in the bathroom crying. I just couldn't hold it in. Crying over that starts the crying over how I don't feel fulfilled in my job, to crying over my stepfather not being here to guide me.

I don't know how to get over the fact that there are certain things in my life that cannot change right now (job, toddler temper tantrums, etc) and to make the best of it.

Thank you for listening
Stacey

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 5:36pm

Stacey,

Welcome to the group. I've only been here for an hour but I feel like I fit right in.

Sometimes crying is the best way to solve a problem. It releases toxins and really does make a chemical change in your body.

Hang in there. I look forward to learning more about you too.

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 6:25pm

Welcome to our board Stacey.