Let down, again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Let down, again.
1
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 6:41pm

This may sound stupid, but I am having a horribly emotional week and it just got worse because my plans for new years fell through. I was counting on having SOMETHING to do with friends so that I wouldn't have lots of stuff on my mind, ie: my breakup. Every second I am alone my mind is racing, and nothing I try to do stops it. Working out, sleeping, reading, watching tv... NOTHING. I was hoping to at least be around other people for new years. My so called best friend got tickets somewhere with her husband, and so she blew me off. We had plans, and she didn't even ask me ahead of time if it was ok for her to bail out or anything.

This is the second time my plans have flopped for this year, and now I have nowhere else to turn. WHy do I have such bad friends? Why does this happen to me every year? New Years is trivial, I know, but every year that passes I realize how bad my friends are. It hurts most this year after a year where everything fell apart. When I so badly need a friend and need to not be alone and need some support. I saw my (apparently ex) boyfriend's car this weekend going the other direction. Knowing he is back in the area and STILL not talking to me, not to mention the rest of the situation, just threw me for a loop. I have spent every evening all week sobbing.

I don't know what to do. I just wish I could medicate myself heavily and skip out on the first several days of the year so no one asks me how I spent the holiday. Things are so bad, I am so alone in this world and apparently the problem is ME. No one wants to spend time with me. I am reminded all the time.

I don't know what to do. Can someone help me at all?

Seya

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 6:56pm

Oh seya..I understand. Before I my husband and I were engaged I spent my New Year's Eve either alone or with my friends and their boyfriends feeling like the third wheel. Everyone would do their midnight kiss while I just stood their trying not to look uncomfortable. So now I'm married. We have only gone out one time for New Years in the last 6 years because he usually has to work. So it's usually spent alone and I'm married!!! It still would trigger up the emotions of what it was like before I was married. Well this year it finally falls on a day he doesn't have to work so we are going out..getting a hotel, going to an event by the radio station..but you know what..after the mentally emotional week I've been having that's the last place I want to be. I feel like I'll be a stick in the mud. I will definitely need a lot to drink.

I also know what it is like to have friends you can't count on. I have no friends in the area I live in, so I either do everything with my husband or by myself..or well tugging around a 2 year old (let me tell ya how much fun that is!). The few friends I do have back home or not dependable..and sometimes I don't even to care to talk to them because they can be difficult.

All I can advise you to do is try to make the best of it. If you end up spending the night alone at home...do something to liven your spirits. Rent a bunch of your favorite movies, get take out from your favorite restaurant. Spend the night pampering yourself. Take a bubble bath, drink some champagne, give yourself a manicure. After everything you have been through...you need some me time. Start writing in a journal to get your thoughts out and set goals to make 2005 a much more positive year.

Stacey